A Parent Spectrum Disorder

What is it with my family and Rude?

2012-01-30T12:07:00.000-06:00

My daughter's friend called and asked her if she would meet her at the local community center. This is the same girl who overbooked her birthday and my daughter and another friend volunteered to stay home. The same girl who volunteered me to drive without asking me.

Anyone remember that girl?

My daughter talked to her and I dropped her off at the center. Not five minutes after I get home this girl calls and asks for my daughter. I asked her, "Isn't she there? I just dropped her off." This girl says "Well, I'm on my way."

She had her phone on her, no big deal. About 15 minutes later, my daughter calls me. "My friend isn't here. I've tried calling her and there's no answer. And I tried calling another friend who said she has 3 phone numbers and doesn't know which one is which."

Fine. I call the girl on the last number on my phone. Her mother answers. "Oh, I just got home. My daugher is here at home. She had to watch her sister. It's not her fault."

"My daughter has been waiting (now) for almost 20 minutes and (your daughter) has not called her. I'm going to pick her up now. She has homework."

More rude? And this is supposed to be a good friend of my daughter's. Never called back to apologize. I guess because it's not her fault. If my daughter did that, she would be on the phone immediately apologizing.

I must be going nuts. And I was friends with this mother.

Being Polite

2012-01-26T10:59:00.000-06:00

As you know I pick up my son and 2 of his classmates from the grammar school and cart them and their instruments to the junior high for band.

You will notice that I say classmates. They are not what I would call friends. They basically shun my son but they're not necessarily mean either--that I know of.

You may recall I had a run-in with one of them and his mother, the kid, my son and I had a little sit-down to talk about things. I thought it was taken care of.

Today they came to the car and I said hi. My son said hi and the other two said nothing. The kid who was mean to my son was whispering something in the back. Whispering. How flipping rude is that.

I started giving them juice boxes because I know they're thirsty and at first they said "thank you." Today I didn't get that. So I said, "You're welcome." Nothing. Finally, I asked them for a thank you and then they said it.

Ok. Fine.

I asked them how their day was.

No response.

I asked them again, thinking they didn't hear.

"Good." More whispering.

Really.

And so you know, the whispering is not directed at my son.

I drop them off, they get their stuff. They don't say a word on the ride there. I say outloud, "You're welcome."

Then and only then do they say thank you.

I slow down to check that they get in and they are looking at me. I wasn't mad before but now I am.

I understand that I am the mom of a kid that they don't necessarily like or hang around. Is it wrong or unreasonable to expect a doggone thank you? And isn't whispering in the car rude?

ADHD or Pre-pubescence

2012-01-26T03:59:00.000-06:00

Mornings are a hard for Harrey. He hates getting up just like him mom. For the past 2 weeks or so we've had trouble waking up.

He has an alarm clock which he may or may not set. And if he does set it, I think he's turning it off rather than hitting the snooze.

Here was my conversation at 8am.

H; Mom, I thought you were giving me a ride.

Me: No. Why would I give you a ride?

H: I have chorus this morning.

Me: What time?

H: 7:50. You forgot.

Needless to say I launched into a tirade which included, "Well, maybe you should get up before 7:38. I called up there and etc etc blabbity blah."

I wonder if he's having trouble sleeping because in the past year he has.

Tuesday Ten, more or less

2012-01-24T03:17:00.000-06:00

1 Taxi morning per usual. Youngest was up a little late and had to use the spray bottle again. Found out his brother was up studying and the light kept him up. Will take care of that later today.

2 I wish they didn't have to share rooms but maybe it's good. With Harrey the younger feeling so down, his brother keeps an eye on him. They're fighting but Ronn the freshman watches out for him.

3 We got a flute teacher. Hermionie is once again playing a college level piece, which is harder than last year. She's played for 2 1/2 years and she's doing college level music. She'll be competing in a solo/ensemble contest and is having a little trouble. Her band teacher said he can't help her anymore because she's too advanced.

3 We are going to have her audition for the Merit School in the city. She'll be performing this piece and maybe another one. And then we pray that she can get in.

4 Busy week, like last week. Tonight I'm making beef stew, double batch. A woman I used to go to church with has stage 4 breast cancer. It's spread. She is active at another church but I think she's being cagey and not telling too many people or asking for help.

I contacted the daughter who I've known since she was a small child. She's not in church at all anymore but she likes me for whatever reason. I'm bringing some stew over to her mom's house. Frankly this is as much about being a light to the daughter as it is helping the mom.

5 The sidewalks are clear and it's not horribly cold so my crazy dog gets a walk this morning.

6 The crazy dog slept upstairs with the boys. My youngest likes having her up there. Unfortunately he sleeps on a twin so she sleeps under the bed.

7 The dog loves sleeping with Bruce and I. When he leaves she gets his whole side.

8 Our bedroom is so small that we only have one alarm clock. It can have 2-3 additional settings, which is great. It's not great that the cd player no longer works. When my alarm goes off, many times I have to go around the dog who will not move.

9 Our dog is a beast. She pull on her leash. She's scared of brooms and shovels. She doesn't like to be disturbed after 7pm or so. She tries to be in charge and resents that I make her listen to me. And she is a watch dog, period. But this is our responsibility now. She would have been put down; she had been at the shelter for 3 months.

10 Speakiing of Kiwi, she's crying a little so I best be off.

Monday So far

2012-01-23T06:28:00.000-06:00

Just for posterity...so that they can go back and say, "Oh. I didn't realize."

~~~~

Drove 2 kids (one of them mine) to the high school before 7am.

Came back home.

Drove 3 kids (one of them mine) to the junior high before 7:30am.

Made sure youngest got out the door.

Was going to throw in a load of laundry. Youngest left his laundry in the wash. It was wet. Dress pants and button shirt wrinkled. Tried to damp dry it. I should make him iron it out.

Walked the Jack Russell/Rat Terrier mix.

Came back. Hung up pants and shirt, damp and wrinkled. Unkind thoughts as I put the rest of the clothes in the dryer.

Threw my clothes in the wash.

Changed clothes and washed the muddy blasted dog. Dried dog w/towel and brushed her carefully.

All before 11am and it's my husband's birthday.

Surmising Saturday

2012-01-21T14:38:00.000-06:00

Bruce and I took my youngest (Harrey) to his social skills group. It's almost like a waste of time but his self esteem is shot and he has no friends so it's good. He gets to share his feelings with kids he only sees once a week. They all walk out of there with smiles on their faces so they must do something right.

While he was in group, we went to Menards and bought a snow blower. Buh buh money. See ya later. We needed one and this one is a dual action monstrosity; I can't wait to use it on heavy snow. I can start it because it's electric start; frankly it was the deal breaker.

Harrey made a bunch of phone calls. No one home. Thankfully his friend across the street came and they played outside.

After we got home Bruce and I crashed on the couch, as it were. I love a good nap because you feel so refreshed and revived afterwards.

Refreshed and revived for the basement! heh heh

Ronn the freshman and his father worked on putting the drums away. 2 full sets of drums, stands and sundries. Bruce took them out for Ronn to practice and he never used it. Back it goes until someday. If it were me, I'd get rid of the junk set.

I worked on cleaning out my cluttered laundry room. It was a mess but I had 2 runners (Hermionie and Harrey). It's cleaned up quite a bit. Just a few more things and I will start measuring for cabinets. Bruce doesn't know my plan but we've got to do it. There's wasted space there for food and storage. This is the year.

To reward ourselves we ordered tacos. We're watching Over the Hedge on t.v. We didn't get a lot done but we got something done.

Honey Crockpot Chicken

2012-01-20T08:35:00.000-06:00

Source: mmmcafe.blogspot.com via Kymberly on Pinterest

Honey Sauced Chicken

Recipe from Chelsea at www.mmmcafe.blogspot.com

3/4 pound chicken (of your choice)

1/2 tsp. salt

1/4 tsp. black pepper

1/2 cup honey

1/4 cup soy sauce

1/8 cup chopped onion (or 1/16 cup onion flakes)

1/8 cup ketchup

1 Tbs. vegetable oil

1 clove garlic, minced

1/4 tsp. red pepper flakes

Season both sides of chicken with salt and pepper, put into crock pot. In a small bowl, combine honey, soy sauce, onion, ketchup, oil, garlic and pepper flakes. Pour over chicken. Cook on low for 3 hours or on high 1 1/2 hours. Chicken into bite size pieces, then return to pot and toss with sauce. Serve over rice or noodles.

To bake chicken as a 30 minute meal:

Dice chicken and season both sides with salt and pepper, place in 8x8 pan. Pour sauce over chicken and bake at 350 for 20 minutes, stirring after 10 minutes.

Serves 2.

~~~~

I about tripled this recipe. I had 2 chickens breasts, cut them up, tossed them with cornstarch and double the honey and soy, etc. The comments said that it would be runny; I'm hoping that tossing the meat with cornstarch will solve that problem. I'll let you know!

Tuesday Ten Meme

2012-01-17T12:10:00.000-06:00

Got this from faidh who got it from Mel

When I was a child I wanted to be: an actress and live in the city, just like Marlo Thomas.

The household I grew up in: very quiet. I was raised as an only child. My brothers lived in a different state and I didn't see them very often at all. I remember thinking that I wanted more than one child, if I ever had any.

You wouldn't know it but I am very good at: singing and procrastinating-you know about the procrastination...

You may not know it but I'm no good at: cleaning up.

What I see when I look in the mirror: an older woman who I don't know. Inside my mind I'm young.

My favourite item of clothing: my Land's End fleece pullover. Soft, comfy, warm.

My favorite art work: (That's ridiculous. How can you pick one or two? ugh)

Water Lilies by Monet

Christina's World by Andrew Wyeth

That Which I Should Have Done I Did Not Do by Ivan Albright

I protest that I could only do one and 3 doesn't scratch the surface.

My favourite building: Again with one. I like my old 2nd Presbyterian Church. I like the Water Tower in Chicago. The Wrigley Building. There's a building on the Chicago River that I absolutely love and don't know the name.

A book that changed me: The Bible

Movie Heaven: I could sit and watch Lord of the Rings for hours (me too) Star Wars, Wall-E (yes, I love that movie), some older Errol Flynn/Olivia de Havilland movies, some b/w ones that they showed on Family Classics here in Chicago

The last album I bought: I don't know. Probably ELO or Supertramp, if you mean an actual vinyl album.

My greatest regret: too many to name one

My secret crush: Sean Bean, which is not secret

My real-life villain: Myself

The last time I cried: about 10 minutes ago. I know I cried a little at the movie War Horse.

My five year plan: pray, push kids out the door, pray, find a full time job, pray

My life in six words: I have not finished it yet.

Mornings and Nights

2012-01-13T03:43:00.000-06:00

I take my oldest and a friend to band every morning before 7am.

I come back and after a few minutes (no longer than 10 minutes) I take my daughter and 2-3 of her friends to the junior high.

During all of this my youngest is fast asleep, snug in his little bed, all cozy, comfy.

Before I leave with daughter I yell upstairs for him to get up. Does he have an alarm? Yes, he sure does. Does he use it? He says he does.

The past week, since break, the boys will not get out of bed without a lot of yelling on my part. And the yelling takes place after I've come back from the junior high. He's got 1/2 hour to get up, get dressed, eat, hair, face and teeth and lunch.

I make them make their own lunch. I'm here, yes. I can do it for them, yes. But if I start working, they better know how to do it without me. And my youngest needs to get that routine just in case I get a call for an interview.

This morning I quietly went upstairs and squirt him with the waterbottle. It was amazing how fast he got up. He was late and I drove him 3 minutes away, partially because it snowed and partially because it snowed AND he had to take his trumpet. We also had the pleasure of arguing over homework that he did not understand. He's been doing it and he had a review; he did not understand any of it without help.

Tomorrow we meet with the doctor. I cannot wait.

Tuesday Ten

2012-01-10T03:20:00.000-06:00

1 Walk Dog

2 Find Marriage Certificate for an old, old bank account

3 Type a quick resume

4 Drive to bank and talk to manager

5 Dinner in here somewhere

6 Oldest at jazz band practice after school

7 Daughter at Forensics Club after school

8 Youngest pick up dog doo, homework and practice trumpet.

9 Quiet night tonight. Tomorrow, Jazz Band performs at a local restaurant. I get to go tonight. Bruce gets to go the long one on Saturday night; too bad for him.

10 Next week will not be this busy. What makes this worse is that we really did not have much of a Winter Break. No time to go downtown or to a museum. I'll need to schedule that.

Advice on being bullied by adults who were bullied as children

2012-01-09T02:34:00.000-06:00

I asked about bullying on Facebook and I got the most wonderful response. Many of my friends, who I consider strong, were once bullied themselves and they offered advice to me and to my youngest. I thought I would share it here.

~~~~

K - Taking a child out of school because he or she is being bullied is ridiculous! Also, only alowing them friends that you choose for them will be damaging to their social developemnt at any age. There are bulies everywhere! Every job I have ever had had cliques and bullies. If you run away fromev ery bullie then you should say good bye to a social life all together and good luck keeping a job!

K - Stopping a bullie comes from within. where there is confidence there is a defense. I was bullied. I was not the most confident person, but when I needed it I let it go. I had to make the decision that next time something like that happened I would not stand for it. He or she needs to say... I dont accept your nastiness! and those who do are lieing to themselves! It wont happen over night, but if he really diggs deep, he will find the strength to power through. He/ she needs to be remined that high school, or this group will not last forever, tomorrow is another day and bullies are sad and lonely people. Violence is not a resort at all. asking for help from teachers counslers parents ant trusted peers is the way to go. There is strength in numbers.

K - If words dont come easy what about a kind of rehersal, for example, we all run things through in our head when we are nevous or leave a situation and think to ourselves, ooohh I should have said blah blah blah, .....How about talking about what happened and making suggestions of how to come back at the kid in the most non aggressive way. dont say, I am not stupid, you are! He could say I know how smart I am, so what your saying to try to bother me just isnt working because it is not true. Make sure that the bullie feels like he is not getting a reaction. they feed off of it, it is like pouring gasoline on a fire. When he stops fanning the flames the fire will go out.

J - Chris - I had a situation where Alaine was being bullied by a classmate. I told her to tell the teachers. It didn't stop. I tried going to the teachers. Their attitude was basically "kids will be kids". I then went to the child's parent and discussed it with her. She was shocked that her son was treating my daughter this way and no one told her. The kid was talked to by his mom. Now Alaine and that boy are good friends.

A - im not quite to this point w my bf kids yet but i can speak from personal experience. I was teased heavily from 2nd grade to 8th grade. when I was younger, I was kind of passive. I was fortunate eonough to take my moms words as gold and I pretty much lived by the motto "be the better person and walk away" unfortunately I totally quit softball when I was about 10 because of how badly the kids on the team treated me. I loved summer camp but most of the girls there teased me too. I was very passive and I really just convinced myself it was their problem, not mine, even though it hurt my feelings. If it was too much I found new activities and stuck to my tighter knit group of friends. Around Jr. High I started working on come backs... which all were bad and sometimes embarassing but i was {and am ;-)} a pretty sharp shooter by highschool. I developed humor as a coping mechanism beteen 5th and 6th grade and that lasted all the way up to my present. Finding the silver lining to strenghthen my back bone was probably the best tool I ever got. Idk if that helps you any, but that was my experience. I was and still am kida a weird kid... its all about building optimism and a genuine good character.

A-M -Martial arts is about self disicipline and building self confidence. My son went through the same crap and with constant love from us and martial arts he has never looked back.

P - ITA with you there!!! :( Buillying is just WRONG. Have you ever read Frank Peretti's book "The Wounded Spirit"? IMHO it should be on every teen's required reading list (especially Christians!)

~~~~

I saw that the underlying answer was something internal. The strength must come from within. We'll help, we'll point the way, we'll be there to lift him up and tell him we love him, but the work has to come inside in his own time, in God's time.

Wednesday Whathaveyou

2012-01-04T16:59:00.000-06:00

The kids are going back to school tomorrow.

I haven't written much the past few days because of the computer problems. My laptop is back but I haven't even opened it up yet and tried it out. I'm getting more done without it on.

My son had a good time on his band trip. He was regaling us with tales of being lost in the hotel and he was so funny. He can't tell a joke to save his life but he was so literal and hilarious. He told us how he and his buddies got lost in a hotel in the Grand Ole Opry and he sounded just like Dr. Sheldon Cooper on Big Bang Theory; in other words, he's like a little old man.

Hermionie went ice skating with the youth group and fell. Her arm hurt but she said she was ok. Three days later she was still complaining about it so we got xrays and a splint and waited for the holiday weekend to end. We went to the orthopedic surgeon who took another set of xrays and said she has a contusion. There is no break and she did not fall on her arm but something was jarred. She is thrilled that she has to wear a sling because she gets to miss 2 weeks of gym.

Harrey the youngest had a rough time with the break. He felt like he didn't have enough play time with friends. I don't know. He was out a lot, but the one kid he called never called back. He met a new kid who lives behind us but goes to another school. We'll see how that goes but told him not get his hopes up. Isn't that sad that we have to do that? Sad and exhausting.

The problem is that Harrey is desperate and needy. I am so looking forward to seeing the psychiatrist / psychologist in 2 weeks. I cannot wait. The doctor is a black woman who holds 2 doctorates and has ADHD herself. I saw her speak at a seminar and she was awesome.

He starts his social skills group on Saturday again. I was asked to go to breakfast with a couple of parents who I met through Ronn's social skills group. Now to talk my husband into going; he won't be happy. On the other hand, he's never driven down there so it's his turn.

Again, my husband and I mourn the loss of our expectations. We had such problems with Ronn when he was younger. Harrey the youngest had always been the happy, social kid. Now he can be really moody and has meltdowns. I know this means he's depressed and we have to get him help. I just don't understand why; how did we miss this?

My gut tells me to take him to a neuropsychologist to see if he has learning problems because I suspect he does. So goes 2012.

On the other hand, the boy has so much to look forward to. He will be crossing over to become a Boy Scout. They do something at least once a month, if not twice. He will be outdoors; he is going to love it. And at the end of the school year, he will join youth group and do summer band with his sister.

There will be bumps, bruises, heartaches, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Midnight. On the third. Already

2012-01-02T19:07:00.000-06:00

I'm just enjoying the peace and quiet in the house. Bruce is sleeping and has to go back to work tomorrow. It was nice having him home for a few days.

My laptop is in the shop so I'm typing on the desktop, just like the old days. I kinda like it. It keeps me doing other things.

I'm sorry to say that we are "getting back" to sitting at the table for dinner. Don't ask me how in the world we got out of the habit, but we did. No better time to start than right now. I don't mean for the New Year, I mean, just right now. Now.

I have decided to do several things this year. It's the usual.

Lose weight
Write every day
Find a job in the school district (I know, but I can dream)
Make my house a place where people can visit me
Make our basement a place where their friends can come over and hang out

These are all attainable. The losing weight has been a problem for me but I'm getting smart. No. Really. I'm going to cut out coffee to once a week and drink tea. I don't like sugar free substitutes in my coffee. I like the flavored creamer and it's fattening. I like to use stevia in my hot tea, it adds no calories and can be good for you.

I just need to find a support group. Years ago I did something called the Weigh Down Workshop. At the time, it was done in many Christian churches. I lost a ton of weight before getting pregnant. If I could I would go back to that. However, the woman running it has some serious doctrinal problems so I'm back to square one. If you have a suggestion, let me know.

Well, it's late and here in Chicago. It's cold.

No, it's Thursday today

2011-12-29T01:51:00.000-06:00

For some reason I was up before dawn this morning. Perhaps it's because two of my children were not under my roof last night.

I like listening to my heater run. Weird, I know. It has a soothing, white noise and it's probably because I've lived in the same house on and off since 1974. There is a small comfort in sound of the warm air twisting through its vents.

I talked to my oldest last night. He's doing well. We have a little logistics problem with some clothes. We made the decision to put his good clothes in a garment bag. Next time we won't but that won't help for now. I think we have it figured out.

My daughter is coming home from the youth group retreat. I have no doubt she had a great time but today she will be a basic blob. They've all slept but it's not been a good sleep, like the one you get in your own bed.

Harrey the youngest had a pretty good day. He played with two friends who live nearby almost all afternoon. He left a message for another friend who didn't call back; people have company or their parents are off and they do things. But for me, my heart breaks a little because he has no friends at school. But at least they don't bother or bully him. It's like he's not there; I wish I didn't understand, but I do. He is itching to go to youth group at our church. I am so glad he has that to look forward to. And in February he will be an official Boy Scout. They do a lot of outings and he is going to love it. In spite of everything he has a lot to look forward to.

Today I'm picking up my daughter and 3 other kids and taxi-ing them home. Then it's out to breakfast with a couple of friends; it's a twice yearly breakfast, so it seems. Then I will pick up a senior citizen at my church and we'll go shopping.

My friend Delia is a former missionary's wife. Her husband cheated on her with a close friend and left her when the friend became pregnant. And this when she was close to retiring. Her youngest took the breaking of the family hard and fell into alcohol for consolation. After many prayers on his behalf, he was blessed to enter into a Christian rehab and has turned his life around. For now. The cynic in me is cautiously optimistic.

I've never seen bitterness on Dela's part. She acknowledges her own contribution to the demise of her marriage and has even offered forgiveness to her former friend. The former friend will not receive it because she's too ashamed, I guess. I would hope. In a way I think it would be hard to offer such forgiveness but in a way I've done it myself with my former husband.

I journal this because I want to remember my friend and for my children someday to understand Dela. She is a true saint who prays for my family and who I am privileged to help with rides and trips to the store.

The sun's up on this gray morning; at least somewhere it's up. Time to meet the day.

Tuesday Night and Asperger's Syndrome

2011-12-27T16:43:00.000-06:00

My daughter is away at our church's lock in. She'll be back home on Thursday morning and I don't expect much out of her other than moaning, groaning and napping.

My youngest son will be complaining because this year he's not going anywhere. Next year will begin in the summer and soon he'll be somewhere away from me too.

My 15 year old is going on his first of two band trips. He will be performing with his band members during the Liberty Bowl. They will be playing with KC and the Sunshine Band.

Maybe I'm repeating myself. Forgive me if I am.

He will be gone for 5 days. We had to do a lot of talking and planning. One of the big things is...bathroom. It was an issue when he was little and it is still an issue. He has a mild sensory integration problem with noise. We think we have it covered and planned for and thought out.

He has to take 2 bags. I won't go into the logistics but this is the way that the band has planned it. In both bags I have lists. My fear is that something will get lost or be left behind. My fear is justified because I've done it a million times myself.

Many people who are reading this will remember when he was younger and had so many problems. They've eased up over the years. We've-we parents and him-have done a lot of hard work, I think, to get to this point. He still struggles. I think we all do to some extent, some more than others.

But when I think of what's passed to get to this point, I am so thankful to God for his faithfulness towards us. And I'm so very proud of him. Scared, yes, because the unknown is always scary. But I'm reasonably confident in him and quietly confident in God that he'll be just fine.

Merry Christmas 2011

2011-12-24T17:01:00.000-06:00

I feel privileged that I get to journal via a weblog. I've been able to express my feelings, good and bad and sometimes, I'm privileged to receive comments, many of them helpful and encouraging.

It is greatly appreciated.

This has been a tough year and Christmas always seems to bring it to attention. Why is that? Why can holidays be so complicated? It is, for Christians, a birthday party, after all.

This evening, Christmas eve, a friend invited our family over for Christmas Eve dinner. It was low key and delightful. Tomorrow we will be home all day and will have dinner with another family.

I feel very blessed tonight. And sad. I miss Bruce's brother, who died before the children were born. He was a joker, the one with a great sense of humor. And incidently, he was a drummer and trying to make it in the industry.

I miss my mother and father in law. They were kind, hardworking, good people. I miss their presence at holidays. I wish that we could call them for advice. I wish we could have spent more time with them.

I miss my brother who I will call Bently and I resent the disease of schizophrenia made it impossible for us to spend quality time together.

These are members of my family who have gone on before us. Their absence makes our time together even more precious. Their absence reminds me that there is something beyond time and memory and I am certain we will see each other again.

So, if you are reading this, I wish you a Merry Christmas. My family will be celebrating our Lord's Birthday together. And that will be the best present you can have.

Wednesday Whatever...

2011-12-21T10:52:00.000-06:00

Desktop 'puter is at the shop. It needs professional help and that's fine. We've had this thing for about 6 years now. Harrey the younger was in preschool. I can remember him playing his little Spiderman video games.

Everyone is officially on Christmas Break--sorry, Winter Break. You know what I mean. My daughter got home and was invited to go to the mall. She declined. She said that she must get her alone time because it recharges her. I can understand that to an extent. But I am the opposite. I need people to be recharged and so does my youngest. My oldest by nature doesn't mind being alone.

Is one wrong? Is the other better? Of course not.

Well, I'm going to make some cookies now that my daughter is home. We need to make a little list so we can get going.

Speaking of Hermionie, she lost her phone. I am hoping it is in her room. We've tried calling it but no answer. I am so very glad that we bought one of the cheapest brands.

Here is one of my favorite Christmas songs. The video is sad but the music is absolutely beautiful.

Tuesday Ten

2011-12-20T08:07:00.000-06:00

1 I didn't realize that Christmas Eve is on Saturday. What the heck is wrong with me?

2 Well, it could be that we have been pretty busy. Monday, yesterday, I helped make ornaments with the 5th graders, who included my son Harrey.

After school, I drove Hermionie to her concert call and came back 40 minutes later to watch the concert. Right after the concert I drove to the high school for a meeting about the band trip, which is next week.

3 Screeching halt today. Ronn the red had a half day so we took advantage of the $5 footlong subs at subway. He polished one off before I was done with my half. Unreal.

4 Harrey the younger needs to get a couple of phone numbers so that he can get together with some classmates. The kids that he is friends with all have learning problems. Oh, well.

5 Actually,when I was in school, I had friends who had learning problems so who gives a rip?

6 I had a good pity party on Monday. No one was invited, just me. I feel like I don't get out enough with friends. So I prayed about it and cried behind my sunglasses as I walked my dog.

7 In response, we were invited to our friends house on Christmas eve and to another friend's house on Christmas day.

8 I had a hard time getting something for Harrey. Now, Harrey had a Christmas wish list of about 10 things. He knew that he would only get one, possibly two items. I asked what he wanted and he wanted a specific game.

Hermionie is getting a boom box and Ronn the red is getting a camera. Was it fair to only get him a game?

I got him the specific game. I don't want to encourage video...oh, who am I kidding?

9 Would you guys like me to read my Tuesday Ten sometime? You get to hear my vocal inflections.

10 I am so excited to have my kids home, if only for a bit.

Hermionie will be going on a youth retreat for 3 days 2 nights.

Ronn the red will be going on the band trip for several days.

Which leads me to my youngest. We'll be doing something, probably involving downtown and a museum, at least once. He can't wait for next year when he'll be old enough for youth group.

10 a I think I need to make some cookies to get myself in the Christmas spirit. I've been letting my daughter do the cookie baking but I think it's time for me to get baking too.

Schedule Schmedule

2011-12-15T18:19:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow I'll be helping transport equipment with the junior high band.

Tomorrow night, pizza and a Christmas movie.

Saturday morning, daughter and I are going to McCormick Place on the lakefront of Chicago.

Saturday afternoon, youngest is going bowling with Cub Scouts.

Saturday all day, oldest is going to be in a northern suburb for a band / color guard thing.

And Saturday is my daughter's birthday.

Sunday, church all morning and then quiet. Probably homework and studying.

Monday, I'm up at the grammar school and at night we will have a concert with the junior high.

And I'm supposed to make cookies.

I have to do some baking so I can give little gifts to the teachers. And then they are off!

Busy weekend until that day.

Tuesday Ten

2011-12-13T09:35:00.000-06:00

1 Harrey the younger is doing ok but frankly he's still without friends in his class. We kept him very, very busy during Thanksgiving and that seemed to be the trick with him.

2 Was Thanksgiving 2 weeks ago?

3 Harrey is done with his social skills group and his after school group. Is it helping? The social skills group seems to but the one after school appears to be a waste of time. But I'll keep him in.

4 He and I saw the counselor after several weeks. (Our insurance kicked in.) We're both concerned about his grades. He's doing well because we go over his homework. He's getting mostly D's and F's, yet the school says that his grades do not warrant any help.

5 I may have gone over this already. Please bear with me.

6 I need to call a psychiatrist to get the official diagnosis so that we can put accommodations in place.

7 I'm sorry but giving him a magic pill isn't going to help his learning difficulties.

8 Ronn the drummer is gearing up for a concert and for his trip. He's going to Tennessee to perform at the Liberty Bowl. I need to let him look at the final itinerary to ease anxiety. I also need to fill out the medical form so that he can have tylenol. He had a couple of headaches again. He knows now to take tylenol immediately--as soon as he feels a tiny bit of pain, he can catch it.

9 Hermionie will be 13 years old on Saturday. I cannot believe it until I try to have a conversation with her. Try.

10 I talked to my mom and dad today. I miss them. I think we need to go see them next year. Maybe spend a good chunk of time with them. The problem is that we are painfully short on time now that Ronn the drummer is in school.

And in July, apparently, the youth group is going camping. All 3 will be able to go. I'm excited for them. It'll be a good time and relatively inexpensive.

10.5 I can't believe I'm already thinking about the summer.

Fun for the Whole Family

2011-12-09T17:58:00.000-06:00

We made the huge mistake of playing Beatles Rock Band, which I LOVE, by the way.

Oldest had a mild nervous breakdown when he was playing rock band with his little brother. Ronn played drums and Harrey sang. It was on easy so Harrey got close to perfect on songs he knew.

Ronn had a hissy fit and stomped upstairs. In the meantime, my youngest tried playing one of the instruments.

One brother came back down. One brother went upstairs and basically stayed there. Ronn was complaining that Harrey always does everything he does. I explained that Harrey has no one, not at school, no cousins, no one at church. None of us do. We're like islands.

Harrey the younger was very upset. I brought him medicine from the health food store. If I don't give it to him, he won't sleep.

I wonder what other families are like. But I'm sure somewhere out there in the world, there is a family going through the same thing.

Friday Flaying - Random Musings

2011-12-09T06:51:00.000-06:00

The kids are busy with band and music.

Hermionie will be participating in the IL Solo Ensemble. She is singing, playing a flute solo and a flute duet. The duet is with a girl who is as driven as her and a year older and sweet. They should do really well because they'll each want to outdo the other a little bit.

She has the opportunity to be in a play, but I think it's too much and thank God, the girl has sense--she does too.

Ronn is doing well but his headaches are back. It's nerves and it's his sinuses. I have to see if he needs a medical waiver to take tylenol while he is out of town. He is also doing some type of competition and it will be on the xylophone or similar instrument.

He is playing piano with the Jazz Band and was a nervous wreck on Monday. He did a great job and I laughed inside. Oh, the drama with those lessons years ago.

Harrey? He's lonely. As I've mentioned I pick up kids to take to band. 3 of the kids hang around each other; Harrey is the odd man out. They tolerate him. They were talking about sports and mentioning how slow he is and that he might be good for football because he's big. One of the smallest ones has a Napoleon complex; he was bragging about how he was being mean to some of the 3rd grade boys. Harrey the big kid is a buddy/helper to a little boy who has autism.

So why am I sad that he's lonely and not hanging around these kids? Why was that again?

Our church is bringing clothes to a needy church in the inner city, which is not far from us, frankly. I don't know if we'll go but I'd like to. I am torn.

On the one hand I want my kids to see that there are real needs for food and clothing not far from where we live. I want them to see how much they have to be thankful for.

On the other hand, I don't want them to think "We're so up here and we want to give things to you down there." We're all the same. We're all people. And we are all called to help people less fortunate.

And whosoever shall give to drink unto one of these little ones a cup of cold water only in the name of a disciple, verily I say unto you, he shall in no wise lose his reward. Matt.10:42

I read a good article about attitudes towards others and where God is. I probably don't agree with everything, but it's good to think about. Very different from what I've been "taught." I need to make sure that my children also understand about giving and serving from their heart and to ask themselves "Who do I serve?"

As Ron Popeil would say...

2011-12-06T02:37:00.001-06:00

But wait, there's more...

My youngest Harrey did not understand his math homework last night. He had notes in his notebook but he did not understand one thing that he had to do. Not even one. He needed help with every single problem and he still doesn't understand it, I guarantee it.

This has nothing to do with having a small attention span or focus. He does not get this work. I am going to call the teacher and see if she can give him more problems to work on OR I'm going to simply let him fail. If I do this, they will all jump to attention and help them because failing grades means scores are down and if scores are down, then that means less money in their pocket.

Hermionie has a friend who moved and left our school district. She had been labeled with a learning disability in math and had someone helping her. A miracle happened because this same girl, labeled, is doing quite well in her new school, including the dreaded math class.

1 1/2 more years at this school. That's what I keep telling myself.

As Ron Popeil would say...

2011-12-06T02:37:00.000-06:00

But wait, there's more...

1 1/2 more years at this school. That's what I keep telling myself.

SMH

2011-12-05T18:31:00.000-06:00

Apparently that means *shaking my head.* I wish that I could read it to you in my white Chicago American accent.

It's been a long day. I have been cleaning since I let that go during the month of November and of course, no one bothered to take up the slack. You think with 3 healthy children someone would help. Well, that's not true either. My youngest son probably did the most work of the three.

Tonight my oldest Ronn the red had a jazz band and percussion concert. He did well, considering he played the piano. Oh, the irony of it all. He played for 4 years and in the end, he was kicking and screaming before he would practice. No, he literally kicked and screamed. My husband said it was ok if he didn't practice and that he should have stayed in it. In the end though, I got my way and Ronn quit piano, only to have to play several years later. And he did very well.

Afterward we went by his locker. To reiterate, someone was taking his school locker, unlocking it and turning it around. Someone is accused of doing it but we don't know who it is. The teacher changed his locks and all is well...

As we were waiting I asked to see his locker. He showed it to me and said "Look what someone wrote."

Some punk scratched "u suck" on his locker.

Ok. Took a picture of it and will be calling the principal tomorrow. This is harrassment and bullying. At least in my opinion.

End times

2011-12-03T12:04:00.000-06:00

My husband is downstairs in our basement and he's motivated to clean it out.

And he's actually throwing things away. Does anyone hear me? He's tossing things out.

And now for something completely different

2011-11-28T17:03:00.000-06:00

You know what? Good for me!

The Road to ADD

2011-11-28T06:08:00.000-06:00

My youngest had a lot of trouble sleeping last night and got a total of about 4 hours.

Last week was Thanksgiving Break and the boy had zero play dates. For some, it's no big deal. For a person (like myself) who loves to be around people, it's seriously bad. It grinds at your mind. It grinds you down. To top it off, my daughter had many playdates and a sleepover.

My husband does not understand this at all because he doesn't care. He gets enough people at work and at home. My youngest and I aren't happy unless we've had at least some time outside the house with a friend.

He was pretty good about using his time wisely too. We did not load up on video games, although we did play some. We spent the week taking down the bunks so that he can now roll out of bed instead of climbing down. I would appreciate that, personally. I do not like the way that my husband set up their room and apologized to my oldest. He was good about it and laughed. Major disruption in their lives. Actually, oldest and youngest got along very well this week, all things considered.

So youngest woke up just exhausted but I am not postponing him going to school. He'll have to go eventually. He was smarting off and back talking and I will not tolerate that. Yup, I understand the anxiety but you will be civil, period. Don't tidy your bed. Don't worry about wearing dirty jeans; I could have asked him to change, but did I? No.

He will come home. He will eat something, do homework, play his trumpet, read a little and go to bed. And tomorrow will be another day.

Fairytale Bridge in Wales

2011-11-26T09:40:00.000-06:00

Inspiration

Oh Fudge but I didn't say Fudge

2011-11-25T17:43:00.000-06:00

Swearing.

My family and I watched a PG13 movie and there was a lot of swearing in it. Lots of it. From young kids.

When I was a kid, back in the 70's when this movie took place, I did not swear. Nope. I did not. My mom, a Filipino Baptist, who attended a Presbyterian church, got mad at me when I said the word "shoot."

I understand swearing, though. When I got into high school, I could cuss up a blue storm, whatever that means. I had a potty mouth, with the exception of some words that have to do with the female anatomy. That was my line and I refused to cross it.

I realize that not everyone lives like my family. Ha! They live better. I don't expect everyone not to swear.

It galls me that some swearing is put in movies simply to shock. Come on, what are we,10 years old? Is it that impossible to make a movie without so much swearing or am I just completely out of touch with life? We don't swear--much. We do let a h*** and an s word here and there. So I'm obviously a hypocrite and a sinner--duh.

A little swearing I don't mind. Truly. We saw The King's Speech and there was one part of complete swearing. My kids saw it and I didn't care one bit. It was appropriate to the movie and to the character. And it lasted maybe a minute or two and that was it.

I do not care for bad writing and this includes swearing for swearing sake. I wonder if just not laziness on part of the writer and editor, do you know what I mean?

ps I had the George Carlin album with the 7 dirtiest words, when I was growing up. Funny album. Album. Remember those?

Intelligent Conversations with my children

2011-11-23T16:24:00.000-06:00

We are taking down the bunk beds so the boys will have a bed on the floor. It will be so much easier to maintain, especially for them.

There are fingerprints all over the wall from years of little boys. My husband told them to clean the walls.

Where's the cleaner? (asks Harrey)

Ten minutes later.

Ronn, here's a bucket in the bathroom.

blank stare

Fill it with water from the bathtub, says mom, through gritted teeth.

Hysterical laughter from Ronn.

I can't find the cleaner, says Harrey.

Go down the stairs and look for the cleaner, says me.

You said it would be in the kitchen, also Harrey.

It wasn't in the kitchen. It was in the bathroom where you last used it, Harrey, says me.

In the mean time, Hermionie is cleaning her room. She's coughing because of all the dust.

I'm allergic because of all the dust from the boys' bedroom.

Oh, it has nothing to do with all the, um, stuff on your floor, says the unreasonable mother.

Mom, how do I wash the walls? asks the gifted, oldest son.

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is intelligent conversation brought to you by the American Educational Program with help from the gifted program for two of my children.

The missing cleaning product is brought to you by ADHD. Distracting kids and adults for over--hey look I found a quarter.

Wednesday Whatever...

2011-11-23T08:19:00.000-06:00

The writing is going well, word wise. I'm not having too much trouble typing or writing something. The problem is that it's terrible, truly, shamefully terrible.

Does it mean that I will stop? No way. This is a story that has been brewing in my head for years. I want it out and over with so that I can move on.

One of the advantages to writing 50,000 words last year is that I found that I could do it. I had never done anything like that before. Now I know I can. This year I will surpass 50k, whether it's at the end of November or beyond.

It proves to me that a novel or something book length is within my grasp. I can do it. I don't know if I will but I know that I can. Does this mean publication? Does it mean the horror of editing? I don't know. Right now it's enough that I'll probably exceed the word count that I did last year.

Courage

2011-11-17T02:37:00.000-06:00

Will be catching up with my word count this morning.

Wednesday Whatever...

2011-11-16T10:41:00.000-06:00

I worked the Scholastic Book Fair today at the local grammar

school. You may recall that I have 3 kids in three different schools. Harrey the younger is still in grade school and is as tall as his teacher, who wears high heels.

Jiminy.

I happen to love the Book Fair. I love the books, I love helping the kids get the right books, I love helping the kids add up their money so they know how much they need to buy something. I love all of it.

I saw Harrey's ex-bestfriend. He needed a poster and I got it for him and that was it. I didn't talk to him. I just helped him.

I felt a terrible pang of sadness afterward. I still do. Harrey and this kid were inseparable all summer and now this kid won't even acknowledge Harrey. As my son put it, "It's like I don't exist."

As a parent, I have to let it go. I have to swallow my sadness that this personable, happy kid is just doesn't have a lot of friends. It kills me when I hear that people have kids at their house non-stop. I so wanted that as a parent; I have wanted it so bad that I could taste it. But it was not meant to be.

I asked the teacher how Harrey is doing, if he seems happy. She said that she sees him smiling all the time and in this instance, he seems to be doing ok. If you say so...

Tonight my husband and I will be attending a lecture on Anxiety and Depression in Kids. I remember wanting a lot of things but needing to attend this kind of lecture was not on my bucket list.

Friday Frosting on the cake

2011-11-11T03:21:00.002-06:00

see more dog and puppy pictures

(I'm stealing my friend Kitty's idea for posting pictures)

My husband's car has been out of commission. It had a radiator leak and it has a cracked something will cost a lot of money. Grant you, this car is 21 years old.

Now my van is out. It was dead in my driveway and is now dead in the garage.

What do I care? This thing died while we were safe. I drove to the northside of Chicago with this van about a week and a half ago; it could have died as I was driving on the expressway. Or it could have died while I was taking the kids to school or a host of other terrible things.

This was all on top of the meeting that I had with the school. Short of it--they are not sure if youngest has a learning problem because of the attention problems. They are significant enough to hold back his learning.

They need a written diagnosis from a physician so that they can set up a 504, which is basically helps, like putting him in a quiet room for tests, etc.

So if that's where we start, that's where we'll start. I don't even mind the frosting on the cake. Let someone else see what it's like to take the kids to and from school.

Proposed House bill would allow robocalls to cell phones

2011-11-10T13:04:00.000-06:00

Link

If you live in the US, you need to read this.

Mondays

2011-11-07T03:47:00.000-06:00

Every Monday stinks. Every Monday he gets to face a class that does not want him there. A class that's sick of him because he has learning problems.

Every single Monday he is faced with the fact that he will stand in line to play kickball and not play. The cool kids get to play. The cool kids get to cut and because there aren't enough mom monitors, it will continue.

But he still stands in line because he has hope.

He's had so many infractions this year that he is not having recess and is going to the social worker. And get this, he is glad. He is glad not to be playing outside. I am afraid to know what happens if he's not standing in line for kickball because I'm afraid I know the answer.

That my youngest, the happy go-luck, sweet one, he's walking around all by himself.

It was a little different with my oldest; at least I think it was. People didn't seem to pick on him but I remember in 5th grade that a kid did. But the class rallied around my oldest and he's doing well now.

Do I know the implications? I am not stupid. Of course I do. Depression runs in my family. I have 2 uncles who committed suicide. What demons did they hold from their terrible childhood?

I get the same advice. Find something that he's really good at and keep him in it. He's "got to get some friends" that will stick by him; what if they are in a younger grade than him? You have to watch him so that he doesn't spiral down in depression; a bit too late. Get him into counseling; check. Talk to his teachers; check. Affirm him; we try our best but it is hard to affirm a child who acts out all the time.

Drugs? We are warning him. Drugs are a form of medication--they medicate people who are feeling so terrible inside. My fear is that he will use them because he'll need them. I have a husband who is absolutely against any kind of drug whatsoever, including them for himself. What am I supposed to do?

The one thing that my son has, believe it or not, is church. Oh, there are no kids there that are his ages. Literally none. But he is affirmed once a week by many of the members there. We only have Sunday school and that's it. But he helps make coffee and he helps pick up the garbage and he plays in our gym. So he knows at least one place in this world that he can be safe. But even there we have to make sure that he's safe and ok.

I know that God has a plan but I don't understand it. Our pastor just did a sermon on the parables of the talents. He said that we cannot look at other's talents, that we need to focus on what God has given us. We are responsible for using the gifts that God has given us to bring others to Christ. You know, I understand that. Is that it? Is this why my youngest is going through all these things? I don't know. I pray that good will come out of this.

Stop Faking it

2011-11-04T18:06:00.000-05:00

...if nobody shares they are struggling,

nobody will know anybody else is struggling.

That results in a whole bunch of people feeling quite isolated and scared and thinking that they must be big, fat losers because they are the only ones

in the whole wide world that struggle.

Well said,Tara Hunt

Wednesday Whatever...

2011-11-02T03:19:00.000-05:00

Things are tense here. My youngest is defiant and depressed. My husband is also defiant and depressed.

I was at Bible Study and missed it all. The yelling, the crying, the stomping, the livid frustration, the avoidance. Lucky me, I guess.

I perceive a bad spirit in the house--seriously, yes, a bad, actual spirit. And a parent who is devastated for his child; been there and done that. Am kinda there too. Harrey's lack of focus and anxiety and other issues are not going away. He needs help and we have to give it to him.

And by the way, there's no way that I'm going to blame a bad spirit for bad parenting choices...just to make that clear. There may be something prodding things along, whispering, accusing but a person makes their own choices to listen to that or not. Just to be clear.

Part of the issue, admittedly, is money. I absolutely will not discuss that here, but it's out there. Families all over the United States are dealing with the same, if not more issues involving money. Herbs, homeopathy, chiropractic care, exercise, counseling; we want to try this before we take a pill. It's expensive to treat ADHD the holistic way, which is the way we want it.

We have to do it. We press on. In the meantime, a little music--irony and truth in the words.

When all hope is lost...

2011-10-31T10:07:00.000-05:00

It took me all morning to get hold of the right person. I tried the internet. I tried calling and our stinking wireless phones need new batteries. (big grr but my husband doesn't want to buy new.)

It turns out that our insurance does indeed cover neuropsychologist visits. That is a very expensive visit which we never did for Ronn the aspie; it was several thousand dollars out of pocket and this was years ago.

Then our dishwasher broke. My husband took a look at it and told me to buy a new one. By the time we'd order a new engine and he installed it, we could have bought a new one and saved him the trouble. That's exactly what I did today.

Understand I know nothing about appliances so I completely rely on Consumer Reports for my information. I suppose that's ridiculous but I've had good luck. I found one of their "Best Buys." I was looking at a couple of different models and a little voice whispered, "Get the better model." I asked about it, it was discontinued so I got the floor model and saved about 1/3 of the cost! Thank God I don't care about the color.

National Novel Writing Month begins tomorrow and I will be participating. It's been something I've looked forward to.

Kids are doing well. My youngest lied to us about homework or maybe he really did forget. Unfortunately he'll have to cut trick or treating short to finish up; there are consequences.

In spite of setbacks, we press on.

It was 15 years ago today...

2011-10-27T12:10:00.000-05:00

It's Ronn's birthday today.

We are so busy that we will be taking him out on his actual birthday. We are going non-stop this weekend.

He is doing so well and I am so proud of the things that he has done. His concert band sang happy birthday to him and another girl who shares his birthday. He loved it and came home so pleased.

I think about where we've come from and where we are now and I can't believe it. Bruce and I are so proud and thankful.

Happy Birthday, Ronn!

Here we go again

2011-10-26T17:43:00.000-05:00

My youngest has tics again. We've been going over his homework and he's so stressed. Most of what we went over tonight was wrong. We had to go through it very thoroughly.

Part of the problem is that my husband is over thorough and just goes on and on and on. My youngest is about to jump out of his skin.

It's hard to know what to do because it's my husband, for one, and he's doing the best that he knows how. But it's quicker and less painful when I help the youngest.

I don't want to be disrespectful to my husband but I see that he's causing stress to our son.

There are never easy answers or solutions.

Tuesday Ten

2011-10-25T10:58:00.000-05:00

1 Harrey the younger had a rough start. He was bored in science so instead of doing his work he drew pictures.

He told us this way. He went out and played touch football with some of the neighbor boys, came in and gave us the note from his teacher. He was upset and probably scared to give it to us.

We talked to him and went over "what to do next time."

2 He did his homework but a lot of it was wrong. Bruce being Bruce took a long time to thoroughly explain what to do until after 8:30pm. I will talk to my husband and tell him that this is counter-productive.

3 We didn't finish his homework so we went over his math sheet this morning. Thank God we did. It was completely wrong. I showed him what to do and how to do it.

4 I skipped Bible Study this morning. I've been walking around in a bit of a daze of sadness.

5 I wonder if my youngest is walking around in a daze of sadness too. His eyes looked a little swollen this morning. I wonder if he was crying.

6 I don't blame God. I just don't know what to do so I've been praying all day. I should be doing that anyway, but I did a lot of praying.

Currently, he's in an afterschool social skills group, seeing a counselor and then the Saturday group. We need more. Maybe a diagnosis. I don't know.

7 Parent Teacher conferences at the high school. Straight A student EXCEPT Ronn the elder's missing 10 assignments in Math. Buh Bye computer until that's finished.

8 The HS football team made playoffs. On Saturday, the percussion section will be traveling with them.

9 Daughter is helping with Beginning Band, the same band as her little brother. She loved how the kids were all coming up to her for help; she said it made her feels special and important.

10 Busy week at church too. I'm tired and depressed. I think a good night's sleep will be just the thing.

Egg Nog Crockpot Cake

2011-10-23T15:36:00.000-05:00

Egg nog cake

1 pkg. vanilla cake mix

1 c. egg nog

1 t. rum flavoring

1/4 t. nutmeg

Grease slow cooker

Put everything in a bowl and stir well.

Pour in slow cooker.

Cook: Low 4 hours

~~~~

Must try...

Transcripts and Communication

2011-10-17T18:01:00.000-05:00

It's been on my to-do list for a while but I just got around to contacting the university to see what the hold up was. Terrible English, I know.

It seems that they are waiting for the transcripts that I sent to them months ago. I can't find my extra copy so I have to order it from the college, wait for it to come in and send it along to them.

I feel that this is practice for my children.

Saturday

2011-10-15T09:24:00.000-05:00

8:30am drop off son for soccer

8:40am shop for the snacks that you forgot to buy; buy thank you card for coach

9:20am get to field; have kids sign card while they're sitting out

10am game over; give coach card; pass out snacks

10:30am run home; youngest changes clothes

10:48am drive youngest to social skills

11:15am just make it to social skills group

11:20-Noon sit and talk with a mom I know whose daughter is in same group

12:05 drive home

12:40 get home; try and figure out our day

1:27pm after deleting a bunch of programs off our main computer; husband starts to fix freezer door magnet

1:27-2pm oldest goes to school to load truck; daughter goes to birthday party #1

3-4pm - sometime in there, oldest comes home; daughter comes home and gets ready for sleepover

5pm--on

Our choice; Cub Scout outing for youngest and husband

daughter second party

Oldest does homework because tomorrow we will be heathens and be at band competition all day

~~~~~~~

I don't record this for sympathy. I am recording this for posterity. I hope my kids see how much we do for them someday.

Will this help someone?

2011-10-13T07:26:00.000-05:00

Ok. So.

Got the infraction sheet and signed it. Got the sheet for this after school social group and signed it.

I called the teacher and talked to her. She said that he's not disrespectful or disruptive. He's just scattered. She also said that he is very smart, which I agreed with, but he's scattered.

We had a terrible morning here. Everyone got up late. My husband had to come back and get his phone. Harrey got up very late and had to be at school early for chorus.

He left all his books the night before so he had to throw everything in his backpack and run out.

He left one of his papers on the table. He will be getting a lower grade because of it. Well, let him suffer the consequences.

I will talk to him about what he needs to do. The problem is that I have to stand over him for him to do it and frankly that's not doing either of us any favors. We'll try a list. He has to learn do do this himself.

I hope someday that these experiences will let me bless someone else.

What else?

2011-10-12T13:14:00.000-05:00

My youngest asked his brother Ronn the red to leave the room.

Uh-oh

My youngest got an infraction because he had a bunch of late assignments. He had enough to go to the principal's office.

I feel like someone punched me in the stomach.

This all happened in two days. My guess is that this happened when his best friend told him that they would not be friends anymore.

With the sheet came another sheet for an after school social skills group.

So. We're seeing a counselor. He's in a paid social skills group and now he's in one after school.

What did we do wrong?

Really?

2011-10-07T18:35:00.000-05:00

I finally broke down and called the grammar school and junior high band teacher. I was really good about not checking on how he's doing. I asked Hermionie to check for me because I wanted to be good.

But I've been itching to see how Harrey the younger was doing.

He's been practicing. Kinda. He plays 1 minute and screws around 5. We got him a timer and that helped him stay focused. But I've never heard anyone learning to play trumpet. Ronn the percussionist played piano and then played drums and has been like a race car, zooming away. Hermionie played flute. Then she played oboe. Then she played bass guitar. Then she played college level flute after about 1 1/2 years of playing--without lessons.

Goes to show that we are not the athletic family.

I broke down this afternoon and called our band director. Ok, yes, I did feel like a helicopter mom, if you wanted to know. But with all the problems we've had, I was, frankly, a little panicked.

Was he ok? Was he playing the wrong instrument? Should we see about getting him something else?

Hermionie came home and had talked to him at the junior high where he works; he travels to the grade schools. Hermionie said that the teacher said:

He's doing real well, way past the other kids who are playing trumpet. He is concerned that he will pass them up too far and that he will have to wait for them to catch up with him.

He knows his notes, his timing, his rests. And he's attentive and focused.

She. of course, was shaking her head and laughing.

I questioned her again, thinking she was teasing me, but she said it again and laughed.

I asked her if the band director knew who he was talking about and that I might call him and get a description of my son...you know, just to make sure he wasn't talking about someone else.

So...he's doing really well with the trumpet. And he's attentive and focused.

Really?

Tuesday Ten

2011-10-04T09:49:00.000-05:00

1 Ronn the aspie had his little aspie moment this weekend. He performed with his high school band as part of the front ensemble. He plays marimbas. They took a picture of the percussion section but because he was sitting in the bus, he was not part of this picture. He was devastated and came home in tears. We explained that this happens, it's painful but there will be times for other pictures.

2 It is hard to see your child in pain. But you have to explain things. You let them feel it, go through it and get over it, all the while being there for them. It's the worst and best thing of being a parent.

3 My husband is struggling to step up to parenting at night if I am not home. It's so hard for him to keep track of them, especially when he's so exhausted. He's particularly baffled and hurt by my 12 1/2 year old daughter. I think it's hilarious, in a way, because they are so alike.

4 So. I signed my youngest up for a social skills group, just like the one that my oldest attended. Unfortunately it's in a different area but not too terribly far. We were spoiled by the close proximity of Ronn's group. Plus, I've known the parents for a while now and will have to start over. I'll miss seeing them.

5 I have to help my youngest with his homework. Why is this notable? Because I've never really ever had to do it before. For Harrey the youngest, it's like he likes the verbal affirmation too.

6 Harrey didn't get any verbal affirmation Monday at 7:30am when he had to finish his math homework. I could have strangled him. We practically had to start from scratch. It was all about mean, median, mode, range and another m word; I don't remember.

This same unit involved # 5 above.

7 My dog has a swollen baby toe on her left front paw. The doctor said that he thought it was a tumor and that we might have to cut off her toe. Fortunately it's an infection and not in her bones. She's on meds.

8 She hasn't been limping all that much but she has been licking the toe a lot.

9 Kiwi is doing a lot of sleeping so I know that she doesn't feel good.

10 Busy week again. Ronn the marimba-ist will be in central IL with another band competition on Sunday--of course.

Stepping up because you must

2011-09-22T13:21:00.000-05:00

Appointment with counselor on Saturday afternoon for Harrey the younger. He will probably be joining a social skills group. I know people who would roll their eyes at this but in light of recent events, we do what we must.

Appointment with psychologist on Monday at 6pm. Harrey needs to be tested for ADD/ADHD and apparently this is the route we must take.

I don't like this. I wish it weren't necessary but it is. His self-esteem is pretty low and I cannot afford for it to ever be shattered like mine was when I was a child. Forget it. I have to step up. You know it's pretty obvious when my husband agrees.

You have the pain of watching

2011-09-17T20:45:00.000-05:00

My youngest probably has ADHD. I've said it before, of course. We don't have an official diagnosis but it's all pointing there.

He has or rather had one friend in school. They say that one friend is all you need.

On Friday the high school had a back to school barbeque to raise funds for the Music Boosters. I'm a Music Booster mom so I was up there helping set up, brought my kids to eat, stayed for the concert and helped clean up.

My youngest called his friend to see if he was going to go up there to eat. He called once before we left the house. And once when we got there.

Apparently this kid had another friend over. The other friend told Harrey the youngest that they would not be there and hung up.

My youngest was heartbroken.

At school he's being shunned. The kids that were friendly to him are not anymore. Mostly they are not mean, they just don't want anything to do with him.

At lunch he was being crowded out of the two lunch tables where all his classmates sat. I called the school as this had happened several times. At recess he played kickball and there were kids who cut in line; I think I already blogged this.

I talked to the teacher and I talked to the social worker. The social worker confirmed that there was a problem on the playground and it was indeed the 5th graders. She warned them that there would be consequences to their actions. The next day Harrey sat with a couple of kids who were nice to him, including his friend.

The friend told him to leave him alone on Friday.

This same friend had him over all afternoon on Sunday and they played all afternoon with absolutely no problem.

It wouldn't be a problem except that this is my son's only buddy in his 5th grade class. Thank God, no seriously, thank God that he has two other friends who are younger than him.

On Friday after we came home from the bbq, he went in his room and got into bed. When I went to check on him he was laying down and facing the wall. Perhaps I handled it wrong but I gave him a couple of Boy's Life Magazines to read. I didn't want him to think depressing thoughts, but maybe he needs to. I just don't see how it could be good for a 10 1/2 year old boy to stare at a blank wall.

His confidence is shattered. He is irritable and hard to get along with at home. I know why he is this way and I cannot fix it.

My daughter has shunned her best friend from childhood; she calls her annoying and needy. Perhaps she is. But I understand the pain and loneliness of rejection for myself. And now, as a parent, I have the pain of watching it once again to one of my children.

Monday Night Fun

2011-09-12T17:28:00.000-05:00

Band and Parents Meeting tonight. Never got an e-mail. Didn't know what the heck was going on. Told people that I was unhappy and asked what I could do to rectify the problem.

Come home and no one's doing a thing. My dear husband, weary and bleary from work, was half asleep on the couch. My youngest was watching tv and not doing his chores. My oldest was lying about practicing; he has to login and post his practice time. I only found this out by accident and that it's an honorary system. So he can lie writing it down or lie posting his practices on computer.

But I caught him. He practiced on the bells and on his kit.

Daughter was watching tv on our back porch--remember that? She likes to sneak "The Bachelorette." I hate that show with every fiber. It's degrading, demeaning and the people on it have the intellectual capacity of a hamster. Oh, and she was "folding" clothes; by folding I mean taking an article of clothing out every fifteen minutes and folding something. She's a right Kevin.

Thank you, Nessie. This is so incredibly funny!

Monday Funday

2011-09-12T05:15:00.000-05:00

Mondays are always hectic here.

Ronn the elder got off to a good start. I had to wake him up, but he got everything together. His friend was waiting in my driveway and I drove them to school.

Daughter was up and one of her friends was walking up our driveway. The other friend was late again so we all had to wait for her. I don't know if I should call her mom. It's rude. We're all ready, just get up a few minutes earlier, that's all. I don't know. It's beginning to bug me.

Harrey the younger got up all bleary eyed because he stayed up late last night. He was up on time and did some homework. That's right--homework.

I was ready to spit some nails when I got a call from said daughter.

"Mom, can you bring me my i.d.? I left it on the table. I'm standing by the door so you can bring it to me."

Really? I can, your flipping majesty? I told her that she would have to wait, but I would do it.

It wasn't on any table. No. It was in her purse.

Youngest was struggling at our table with his one math sheet. When I got to the school, the office was kind enough to let me drop off her i.d. on the band director's desk in front of all her friends.

I.d. problem solved. No next time.

Checked Harrey's math sheet. He's doing squares - 5x5, 7x7, etc. I don't know how to show the notation, but you get the drift. He's done it all wrong. I had to go through the entire sheet with him.

Did I give him the answers? No. He had to struggle through them. Then he got mouthy.

To coin a Jackie Gleason phrase, bang zoom

Thankfully (for him) he had hot lunch so he didn't have to make his lunch. He was so late, however, that I had to drive him. Yes, he probably could have taken his bike and have been on time, but why would I reward him with that?

He had already had a little meltdown. I have no sympathy. But I was kind enough to bring the dog in the car with us, so that calmed him down. I did not wave good bye loudly out the window but I made him kiss me in the car, which he did.

Oh, and he's got testing all this week. I stopped by Dunkin Donuts and got him something to eat. I will be at Aldi's today..

Tonight I attend a band meeting, which will be a blog on communication.

September 11th is my birthday

2011-09-10T18:32:00.000-05:00

It is Saturday night and at midnight, it will officially be my birthday and also my mom's birthday.

In 2001, when the World Trade Center was hit, I was 39. Ronn was 4 years old, my daughter Hermionie was 2 and little Harrey was 6 1/2 months old. I happened to watch ABC with Peter Jennings in a spare bedroom; I normally didn't watch it, but I happened to see it that morning.

He said that a plane had flown into one of the towers and it was on fire. I thought it was a movie or a joke. And while he was talking, another plane flew into the south tower. How do you wrap your mind around such a thing.

We all know what happened next. They fell in dust and fire and ash.

But my little children were safe and watching PBS.

All plans went out the window. We stayed home. I made lunch. They had naps. And I was glued to the television.

As I've said many times before, I was never into celebrating my birthday. But after 2001, I made it a point to do it.

I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow, other than going to church and a barbeque at a friend's house.

It'll be quiet and simple this year.

The Asperger Teen Part 1

2011-09-10T15:57:00.000-05:00

Ronn the percussionist is having a bad night.

On Thursday he was up until all hours because his high school band is playing the National Anthem for the White Sox. And no, he was not on television, because parents at home tried to record it. But we got home around 11pm and he was up until about midnight doing homework.

At school at 7am for Jazz Band and the rest of the school day. He went with his siblings to the junior high and helped his little brother get a trumpet.

Then he performed with the high school again for the varsity football game.

He was up early this Saturday morning and it came as no surprise that he had a little meltdown at dinner, after his brother and sister left the table.

It seems that the band instructor is going to have him play piano for Jazz Band. They have 2 bands and three drummers who can play the kit. Ronn had a hard time playing 2/4 beat, whatever that means, so he, for the first time in his percussion career, has been chosen last instead of first. Also, he will have to play the hated piano; can he do it? Yes, he sure can.

As I recall, he had a meltdown when he had to play bass on the keyboard; long story short, he was fantastic and it was no problem at all.

I wish I could feel sympathy. I do, in a way. I hate to see him so upset. But doggone it, he is learning to be a little flexible and it's hard for him. I understand that. I don't think that I should coddle him and "poor baby" him. I feel that I need to be clear, rational and unemotional, sorta Mr. Spock-like. And let me tell you, for the Dramamama that I am, I call on all my acting abilities to do it.

Being a teenager stinks. Being a teenager with Asperger's? It raises things up a notch.

Sunday Night Thoughts

2011-09-05T17:57:00.000-05:00

I have been busy. The kids are settling into school routines.

Marching Band and the high school is taking up most of our energy since the middle of August. They met 2 weeks before school started and then practice once or twice a week after school and then football season.

Ronn the percussionist is doing well in band. He is struggling a little with Jazz Band because he has not been exposed to that type of music. It's not his thing. There are three drummer and he's third. I feel personally it's a little blow to his ego, having been number 1 all these years. I think it's good for him. He has to work at it, which he's never had to do before. I'm serious. He's skated by for a long time and now it's harder. I wish I could find some sympathy other than it's too bad that he didn't experience this earlier in his life. The hard work, I mean.

Hermionie is well. She's...changed. She's expanding her horizons. She's...growing up. She tells me that she's trying to help the under-dogs. She doesn't say it that way but she seems to "baby sit" those who need a little extra help. She's also making new friends from around our little town; very, very good.

Harrey is Harrey is Harrey. He is unquenchably hungry which I think means growth spurt. It could also mean boredom, I don't know. He's moody. He's got zits. He's gangly. He's silly. He's 10 and he's hit puberty, like his sister before him. He doesn't stink yet, thank God, other than his breath and feet. And he still affectionate, I've got to give him that.

We had a fire in our Weber Fire Pit. It was cool enough for me to have a blanket around myself. Talk about irony. On Friday night, the humidity and heat was so hot that the shirt I was wearing looked like I had spilled water all over the back. Miserable. It's hard to understand how the weather can be so fickle.

Well, I'm off to bed. My eyes are burning and it's not from smoke!

Friday Flaying

2011-08-26T06:33:00.000-05:00

We've been busy busy busy.

Hermionie is officially in Junior High and walking to school with a few girls. Incredible. She went for years with few or no friends in her area to some nice ones. We'll see. They hang around the local park. Don't know if I'm crazy about. You let go and you keep watching; they should teach that in Lamaz Class. Did you know that they have hypnosis for birthing? I would have done that in a heartbeat, even though I'm terrified of hypnosis. But that's another blog for another time.

Harrey the younger is in 5th grade now. All his friends are in the other class, but he's got some nice ones. Maybe it's because he's the tallest one in class, I don't know, but he attracts mean kids. One much shorter kid told him that he's going to be the smallest man in the world when he grows up. It must bother him because he told me about it. I told him what to tell his friend if it happens again.

"Joe, don't worry. You'll be tall like your dad." And...drop it.

Yesterday the kids on the block were all playing outside. Harrey brought his bike over. Then they decided to go into someone's yard. Harrey was told, "We don't want bikers here." He was upset and angry. I told him to get his skate board and go; if he (the mean kid) says anything, tell him, "I don't have a bike now."

Harrey went and played for a bit and then came inside, as they all went home for dinner.

This same kid, 2 years older, same size, keeps giving Harrey a hard time.

One of the other neighbors is well aware of what is going on, but they all like her and respect the tall husband. Me, eh. We're not Catholic or sporty, which is the kiss of death in our neighborhood. I'm trying to think rationally and wisely about what to do; my husband is ready to start yelling at the parents, which is neither.

I feel it is wise to teach my young, tenderhearted son to be assertive but not mean. To have a little courage. He will not want to hang out with these kids later on but doggone it, they are on our block and if everyone is hanging outside, then guess what? EVERYONE can hang outside. Thank God I have another friend who agrees, for now.

Oh, and Harrey will be playing soccer against this kid's team. Frankly I hope they trounce 'em.

~~~~~~~

Today I am attending the wake of a friend of mine. She was a Filipina who survived breast cancer only to be taken by a rare form of leukemia. Her daughter is 1/2 and 1/2 like me and is in percussion with Ronn the drummer.

Seeing her was like seeing family. Her husband and she spent time with Bruce and I at Cedar Lake during a marriage retreat. We also got to spend time at Women's retreat, she and I. We kissed almost every time we saw each other. My kids got to know her from school, as she was the school nurse.

I will miss her.

After the wake, quick get home and eat and then the Marching Band will be playing at the first football game of the season.

And tomorrow morning, of course, soccer.

Interviewing my folks

2011-08-17T08:23:00.000-05:00

Mom is a Filipina and she's 84. Dad's an American from southeastern Missouri and he's 86. I plan to interview them.

They live in Florida so I'll be doing it over the phone in small increments. My mom hates to talk on the phone, so unlike me. My dad and I, though, could go on for hours on end.

If you're going to interview a person, I really think it's good to get your questions together first. I've watched interviewers and some of them are just so poor. "How does it make you feel?" Really? That's the best you can ask? Ugh. Just a little peeve of mine.

For my interview I am using "Touching Tomorrow" by Mary LoVerde as a reference and a guide. The book gives practical tips on how to interview your loved ones on video or audio. I am doing neither, however; I'll ask the questions and type the answers on my laptop. I'll save them on Google docs too, just in case.

For this reason, I'll be asking a few questions at a time and then going back to ask more. They've agreed to do it. We'll see how it goes.

Tuesday Ten

2011-08-16T05:25:00.000-05:00

It's been a while, it seems.

1 Oldest started school on Monday. He is officially a freshman at my old high school. Heais also walking home again; we live almost a straight walk from the high school. He is learning to cross a major artery on the southside and once he's got that down, he'll be fine.

2 I feel bad that I have not contacted the High School about Ronn's asperger's. He's not on an IEP and has no accomodations. Why do I want to let his teachers know? I just think it's polite. I don't have to but let's face it. He has issues and I feel that they should at least have a heads up.

3 My youngest is flipping drama queen. I try not to listen. If there is chaos around here, I guarantee that he's started it or in the midst of it. Yet, when he's out with friends, he's great.

He came in from the back porch and I could tell he was crying.

"What's wrong?"

"I hurt my finger." He was holding a little bitty ice pack in his hand.

"Ok. Go back on the porch."

Warm and fuzzy.

4 I bought daughter a cute shirt, a cute t-shirt to go under the cute shirt and a matching necklace. It's the first day of school so what can I do?

Then I realized that she needed a different shirt for picture day. So we got a cheap little t-shirt cami to go underneath another cute shirt she had.

5 Still waiting to hear from the local university.

6 I talked to my mom yesterday. She's 84 and will be 85 on 9/11, which is also my birthday. She's been having vertigo and went in for tests.

7 My father is 86 and will be 87 on the 30th. I just can't believe it. Mom said that he's been taking it easy lately. They live in Florida and it's been extra hot there, in the upper 90s and lower 100s. Add the humidity and it must be unbearable.

8 My mom's sisters live about 20 minutes away. The youngest sister and her husband have been traveling the last 2 months. My mom is angry because the middle sister is at home taking care of all the dogs.

My take on all this:

The sisters have PLENTY of money. If middle sister is resentful and wants to go away, board the dogs and go.

If younger sister doen't like it, then she needs to get her butt home and take care of her own dogs.

The problem is that middle sister never goes away. You can't force her, I get that. Just...don't complain with your baby sister goes on vacation.

Mom is the oldest of the family.

9 Dad's older brother lives in Pensacola, FL. He's in his 90s or close to it. Isn't that something?

10 This will be the week that I start interviewing my parents. I've talked about it and haven't one it. It's time.

Ok...summer is still here for the other ones. Have a great day!

Monday Funday

2011-08-08T09:17:00.000-05:00

Ronn the drummer is at band practice and will start high school on Monday.

Hermionie is at subway joint with her friends. Her best classmate friend is moving out of our little village. She'll be about 1/2 hour away but it might as well be 3 hours away. They are saying good-bye.

I'll miss the girl's mom too. She's much younger than me but we have always gotten along. And I know her mom (the grandma). I'll miss seeing her at school functions now. She was very sweet.

Harrey the younger is at the Wisconsin State Fair. A friend invited him to tag along and I'm so glad! He's been instructed to drink a lot of water and I've told the parents too. The family has an older son with asperger's and two younger boys with ADHD. We feel each other's pains and revel in each other's triumphs. I am blessed to have them as friends.

Bruce is working his butt off and frankly he doesn't have the butt to work off. He worries that he has no time for anything but won't let go. He won't hire people so things do not get done. I reason, but in the end, I back off. He deserves my respect, truly and I've been married long enough to know that nagging will not work.

I enrolled in a university and will hear back probably next week. We'll see. I hope I'm not too late. Late or not, I've done it. I've been praying for direction and got nothing at all. No sign falling out of the sky for me--this time! So, it was a question of stepping out in faith.

Sorry if I have not been by. The summer is drawing to its close and I'm trying to enjoy it!

Deep calling Deep

2011-07-30T13:52:00.000-05:00

The title is from the book of Psalms. I came across a very nice exposition of the verse and you can find it half way down the page or so.

I have been telling my kids to clean their rooms for the past week or so and we got down to the nitty gritty the last couple of days. It seems that they do better if I am there with them.

My daughter has been "working on her room" for the past month or so. When I went up there, I made her do the work but also helped her. It is very hard for her, just as it is for me. We got big, black plastic garbage bags and I helped her be merciless. We have pitched things left and right, recyclable and not. Next time we'll get a recycling blue bag, but for now, the stuff has to go.

I made ourselves take a water break. It's funny how I think about that now, after Harrey took his tumble.

We're getting some take out tonight and I am not going to apologize.

Greek Salad Sandwich from Everyday Food

2011-07-28T17:01:00.001-05:00

From Everyday Food
1 cup canned chickpeas, rinsed and drained
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
1/4 cup fresh parsley leaves
1/2 small red onion, thinly sliced
Coarse salt and ground pepper
3 ounces crumbled feta
8 slices rustic bread or olive bread
1/2 medium cucumber, thinly sliced

1 tomato, thinly sliced

In a food processor, pulse chickpeas, 1 tablespoon lemon juice, 1 tablespoon olive oil, and parsley until finely chopped.

In a small bowl, stir together onion, 1 tablespoon lemon juice, and 2 teaspoons olive oil and season with salt and pepper.

In another small bowl, mash feta with 1 tablespoon olive oil.

Spread chickpea mixture on 4 slices bread. Top with cucumber, tomato, and onion mixture; season with salt and pepper. Spread feta mixture on 4 more bread slices and place on top of sandwiches.

~~~~~~

It was so hot and humid today that I didn't even want to bother with the grill. I wanted to try something light. I saw this recipe in the March 2011 edition of the magazine and thought I would give it a shot.It was delicious. For me it was like a restaurant sandwich. Next time I think I'll add a little oregano to the tomatoes and the feta. Bruce suggested olives. It's vegetarian but it does contain feta cheese. I recommend this.

Greek Salad Sandwich from Everyday Food

2011-07-28T17:01:00.000-05:00

1 cup canned chickpeas, rinsed and drained
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
1/4 cup fresh parsley leaves
1/2 small red onion, thinly sliced
Coarse salt and ground pepper
3 ounces crumbled feta
8 slices rustic bread or olive bread
1/2 medium cucumber, thinly sliced
1 tomato, thinly sliced

What else?

2011-07-23T12:50:00.000-05:00

It was terribly humid this morning.

I had breakfast with a woman I've been friends with since we were 12. That's many, many years. She lost her husband suddenly about a month or so ago and we've decided to reestablish our ties. We've always been friends but we want to keep it a little more consistent.

Got back from that and took my dog for a walk; about 40 minutes which is about 1 1/2 miles or so. I don't know. I don't count. But it was relatively cool in temperature; she didn't stop for a rest like she normally does when it's hot.

Got back and took my youngest to the library. They were tie-dying shirts. Lots of kids, sweaty, outside, etc. I was talking to people that I knew and turned to see Harrey lying on the ground with his back towards me. When he turned to face me, his face was a little bloody. I took him in and asked the librarian to get me the first aid kit and some water.

I finished the shirt (yes, bad mom, I know) and took him to a care station / doc in the box. Why would I wait at the ER if I didn't have to?

Well, I had to. The doctor told me to send him to the local ER for an EKG; it was because he fainted first and fell. Four hours later, they decided that he was dehydrated and sent him home to rest.

No pool for the week, which totally stinks, but the alternative could have been so much worse. He also has to keep the scrap by his eye covered so the scar doesn't darken. Fair enough. During the day he wears it and takes it off at night; one month of that. Takes it off just in time for school.

Yes, it could have been much worse.

Interestingly, Hermionie went to the hospital with her father. She wanted to be with her brother, which is hilarious, considering their relationship lately. Ronn the elder was at home sweating it out and praying; as jealous as he is about his little brother, they get along well.

I was thinking about it when we got home and I realized these kids have not been drinking as much as they should. I know that's so basic, but when you're in a pool of water...I know, I know; bad mom.

So, everyone is home and fine. These kids will now have water bottles attached to their wrists and will be going to the bathroom every 10 minutes.

Weekend and Asperger's Update

2011-07-17T19:35:00.000-05:00

Ronn the red had his graduation co-incide with our block party. He planned to have several games to play, for the pool to be open and for an inside game if anyone got bored. In addition, it was the block party so there were bouncies and a bouncie slide as well. Lots to do, plus food.

It was a great success for him and everyone had a blast.

His friend who is a girl was there and they got to catch up. Ronn has been sweet on this girl for a long time and they actually spent some time together by themselves. Very sweet. They are going to keep in touch. Is a good thing.

I never thought that this would be possible. A child with asperger's that had a nice party, was mostly engaged and did pretty good.

My daughter had some of her friends over and basically stayed in the pool all day and into the night. They got out to eat, lots of giggling and "omg" embarrassed. pfff

My youngest? *sigh*

Harrey the younger was picked on once again by one of the neighbor kids who happens to go the parochial school. Mind you the kid who picked on him is 2 years older and Harrey is just as big. He had a couple of meltdowns--at home, thank God.

He just didn't know what to do. We told him to tell the kid to leave him alone and mind his own business. Or ignore him.

I am so glad he's telling us. That's good thing. Bruce was furious and told him that he had permission to hit the kid. Not me. Harrey is 5'4" and is 10 years old. He has no idea of his own strength; he'd hurt someone without meaning to. But he is welcome to defend himself.

I have to find out exactly what happened so I can kind of coach what he needs to say.

Harrey is like me. He needs a little script. Once he has the words down he'll know what to say. I have no idea why he gets picked on by others; I think it's his size.

Today (Sunday) Hermionie went to a pool/sleepover with her friends. I dread how she will be tomorrow.

The boys got along really quite well in the pool and playing some Wii games. As the evening got later, Harrey the younger got crabby but all was good. Dr. Who came on PBS and we all sat around and enjoyed it.

This week, we're only slightly busy.

Cell Phone Conundrum Part Zwei and...the pool

2011-07-14T11:45:00.000-05:00

Bruce and I are antiques in more way than one. Case in point, we still have a land line.

I like it because we use it. I almost never use my cell phone. Half the time it needs to be recharged because I don't use it except for emergencies. Hard to use it in an emergency if it's dead all the time but that's not the point.

Many people have given up their land line and use their cell phone for everything. I think that's really the way to go for a lot of people. We're not a lot of people.

Our internet service is through our land line as we have broadband. We have considered using Magic Jack to save money on our phone bill. But when the power went out the other day, we still had a phone. I like that.

~~~~

Not that it has anything at all to do with the phones, but our pool is clear. At last.

Bruce drained it, put new water in, put new sand in and it's sparkling. I think we need a new filter. But whatever, it's taken care of. The kids will be able to use it.

Finally.

Cell Phone Conundrum

2011-07-13T18:45:00.000-05:00

I am looking to purchase two cell phones for my older kids. I really should get a phone for the younger one too now that I have 3 kids in three separate schools.

Being frugal, well, ok, cheap, I started shopping for a pay as you go phone.

As far as I'm concerned, the phones will be for emergency only and not texting non-stop. Texting once in a while is ok, but not constantly. I'm sorry. I'm old school. I wonder if I will change my mind in a few years.

I've narrowed down my choices to these:

Virgin Mobile

Phones: $9-$100+ $20/3 months 100 minutes $0.20/minute talk $0.15/msg text

T-Mobile

Phones: $14-$100+ $15/3 months 30 minutes $0.15/minute talk $0.05/msg text rec'd

$0.10/msg text sent

Boost Mobile

Phones: $49-$100+ $10/3 months 100 minutes $0.10/minute talk $0.10 text

$0.99 IM

Boost Mobile has the best plan, obviously, but it means that I will have to buy 2, possibly 3-$50 phones. $50 phones for a 10, 12 and 14 year old.

But I'll be paying $40/year vs $80/year or more with Virgin Mobile.

But if they lose or break their phone, I can get a $9 phone with Virgin Mobile vs $50 with Boost.

We've used Virgin Mobile for years and have never had a problem. Customer service is very good too; at least that's been my experience.

Comments are welcome.

Asperger's and Mall Behavior

2011-07-11T13:39:00.000-05:00

After the movie, I called our house to see if our answering machine was on, which would then mean our power was back on. It wasn't so we walked around.

Ronn the red had a Border's gift card burning in his pocket so he wanted to go in. There was an Aldi's grocery store in the same vicinity so I sent the three of them by themselves. He didn't purchase anything so we left.

While we were in the car, Ronn the red told me about a little incident that happened while I was at the store. There were four girls walking toward him on the way to his bookstore and they were giggling or saying something to him.

Ronn stuck his tongue out at them.

I told him, "No. You can't do that. Don't do that again. Just ignore them. Just look straight ahead and ignore them, Ronn."

We got home and ate something quick between running around.

"I don't want to go to the mall because I can't do anything right." Said with a big sigh.

"Don't worry, Ronn. You'll get there."

Perhaps it's not as sympathetic and empathetic as I could be. But I don't want him to wallow because it would be very easy to do so. He will learn. He'll get there.

Thunder and Lightning

2011-07-11T11:42:00.000-05:00

It was overcast this morning and then got darker and darker. I looked outside and the trees were swaying and the rain was going sideways.

Branches, sticks and leaves are everywhere. One of our neighbors has a downed power line in their yard.

So I woke up Sleeping Beauty and we went to the Mall to see "Cars 2" because it was the only thing that we could agree on. Oh...good...grief...Agony for me; the kids didn't mind it.

*gag*

After the show, we walked the mall. Bought a couple of t-shirts, looked around and went home.

We got home just in time to get our stuff and run to the library, where they have internet service. Harrey the younger is taking a computer class, Ronn the older is at home with our demon dog and Hermionie is at the library getting more young adult books. She finally found some that she loves and she's been reading non-stop. I'm surprised at the genre; young adult fiction (literary/contemporary). Oh, well. She's reading.

Tonight the local church is having Vacation Bible School aka the mother's friend. They're having it at night from 6:30-8:30pm; youngest is participating and the older two are volunteering to help! Yay! Everyone out of the house for a little bit!

On the pool front, it is being drained and will be refilled with fresh water, white flags waving. We think we need a new filter but it won't be this year. We need it up for the weekend; Ronn is having a little graduation party and promised people can swim. I'll have to throw in boiling water to bring the temp down; oh, well. Maybe I'll see if I can borrow someone's heater.

Speaking of borrow, a high school friend's daughter (got that?) has agreed to let Hermionie borrow an oboe. I got the e-mail and I got chills. This young woman is in college and has a real one; they give out scholarships if you study and agree to play seriously. I'm all about scholarships--seriously.

That's all for now. I have only a certain amount of time to blog. Will catch up when the power returns.

Making Memories

2011-07-04T17:31:00.000-05:00

Last day of my husband's vacation and we finally did something as a family. We've been doing things all along, here and there, but tonight it was all about us.

A little barbeque eaten outside. Fire in the fire pit. Ice Cream served in pretty sundae glasses with toppings and whipped (um) topping. I wondered why the kids kept leaving; they were sneaking into the kitchen.

We had the opportunity to pass out water at fireworks. We did it last year and had a good time. In my heart I knew that we wouldn't do it. I'm not apologizing, though. Bruce has been working non-stop on our stupid pool and this was the only time in our vacation where he relaxing and enjoyed being with us.

The kids kept trying to sneak in and go on the computer. Or watch t.v. Or play a video game. Mom-zilla kept coming in and getting them outside.

We lit some "fireworks," which consisted of a bottle rockets, one small package of firecrackers (shame on us ) and a package of "snakes." The snakes looked more like poo than anything else.

Bruce put on safety goggles and made Harrey the younger put them on too; he let Harrey light a bottle rocket. Ronn worked up the courage to do one and wound up doing 3-4.

Hermionie turned in early. She has band tomorrow but it won't be until 9am.

All in all a night of quiet but happy memories. Fireworks are illegal in Illinois but you wouldn't know it sitting in my backyard.

Random Sunday Thoughts

2011-07-03T17:54:00.000-05:00

On Monday we will be passing out water bottles at a fireworks in a local town.

On Tuesday my husband will be going back to work. I love having him home. I'll miss him when he's not here.

~~~~~

Ronn was showing his aspie today.

My children were involved in two parades, one Thursday, one Friday. Ronn marched with the snare line on Thursday in the city (Chicago's southside) and on Friday, all three of my children were in the hometown parade. Our hometown parade is usually attended by upwards of 100,000 people; we are a community populated with half that many people. Thank God it is a family event. Well behaved people and children. It's wonderful.

Ronn marched again with the High School snare line. Hermionie played a bass guitar with the Jr. High and Harrey. Harrey wanted to be in the parade in the worst way and you know what, God provided. I was at the library talking with a friend and my friend, who works at the library, invited him to walk with them.

Harrey walked and gave candy to the kids.

Ronn took real issue with this after we had lunch. He is unreasonably jealous of his brother anyway and he was in tears because his brother gave out candy at the parade and he's never done this.

His father was kind and reasoned with him. Me, the mom? Sympathy? Empathy? Mmm, not so much.

My youngest has been pulling out his hair, struggling with friendships and self-esteem, struggling with school, possible ADHD, anxiety. It goes on and on.

I actually do understand the unreasonable jealousy but lay off the brother. Lay off the brother who loves and sticks by his big brother. I can tolerate an awful lot but not this.

Melting Pot Kids

2011-07-02T10:12:00.000-05:00

America is God's crucible,

the great Melting-Pot where all the races of Europe are melting and reforming!...

The real American has not yet arrived.

He is only in the crucible, I tell you -

he will be the fusion of all races.

~Israel Zangwill

This quote has special meaning for my family.

I was born in Chicago in the United States of America.

My mother is an immigrant Filipina, who is a mixture of Filipino, Chinese and European Spanish.

My father's family has been in the United States for many years. I have found English, Scotch/Irish, German, Swiss, Welsh and probably Irish somewhere way back. He claims that somewhere we were American Indian but I've had trouble tracing that. He was not born in Chicago, though; he was born in southeastern Missouri.

My husband was also born in Chicago.

My husband's mother was the daughter of Italian immigrants and a German somewhere thrown in somewhere.

His father was from Arkansas and is descended from English and Dutch, as far was we know.

Our children are a mixture of many things, a pinch of this, a good dose of that. I am proud of where we came from. We are not homogeneous.

We are American.

Our Village Block Party

2011-06-25T17:17:00.000-05:00

Understand that by village I mean the size of my town. We are butt up against the city of Chicago so we could hardly be a little country hamlet.

But each year they have a little Taste of the Town, similar to the Taste of Chicago, only very small. A few vendors which are lined up near the community center. Around the corner, someone sells water, then there are a few food stalls going around the building and finally, the tent where people sit to eat and talk.

I have lived here on and off since 1974. Like many, many people in our village, we grew up there and then returned to start and raise a family. It's a very strange, hometown-ish place, for me at least.

My daughter met friends from her school. She talked with her other friend but other friend wound up leaving. I think my daughter introduced her but it's hard. They're 7th graders all from the same school and Bess is an 8th grader from another part of the village. Anyway, these guys had a blast because most of the kids from their part of the village were there.

Harrey the younger met his new buddy Goyle (I may change his name but his new friend is big, like Goyle). Harrey's Goyle is sweet.

They spent the day together. I let them roam around the park and the area. My friends finally told me to sit down and enjoy myself, which I did. My "friend" was there and we were cordial. Well, then I saw a friend. And I came back to the table. And then I saw another friend. And another, like a butterfly. Or rather, like Mr. Bean.

Lots of fun for me. I tried looking for my ten year old and his bud but I kept getting way-laid by someone or another. The boys were fine and frankly I didn't even look for my daughter.

After several hours, I met up with Goyle's parents, who have much older kids. They left, we took Goyle home, they played and then Goyles parents took Harrey home so they could play.

Someone pinch me.

Ronn the aspie stayed home and get this -- He cut the grass in the back AND in the front.

Why is that a big deal? The last two years it was very hard to get him to do it. He would scowl, stamp his feet and try to get out of it. We're mean and made him do it. He especially hated to do the front because everyone could see him there; I actually could relate this very much.

Today he did the grass and he also emptied the bag in the garden. Again, no big for anyone else, HUGE deal for us.

Then he practiced his drums for tomorrow.

In the meantime, in all this revelry and fun, my poor husband Bruce was trying to fix our stupid pool. It's still @#@$%! green. Hopefully it will get better shortly as the days will be warm this week.

My cup is filled by seeing friends. Tomorrow Ronn will perform with the High School band; will report back tomorrow.

Tuesday Ten

2011-06-21T14:12:00.000-05:00

1 Full performance band is going well for Ronn. He will be playing 4 different instruments, possibly five. I am thrilled, honestly. It's building a little flexibility in him. A little.

2 Still battling over cleaning of the rooms. I don't feel like I'm unreasonable as a mom. I really don't. I am just going to have to stand there and wait for her to clean. I am not doing it for her or my sons. I can't. My own mom did it for me and she did me no favors. It is such a struggle. I hope that they won't have it.

3 The pool is up. Whoop-de-flipping-do. Husband and kids are taking care of it and I help them a little, mostly cleaning leaves. It's an ordeal, a time vampire.

4 But the kids love it. Dear daughter had friends over after she cleaned up her room and the bathroom.

5 She is so mean and impatient with her little brother and so kind and loving to the older one.

Why is that?

6 Youngest is taking a summer science course through the school district. We paid for this. He loves it.

7 There's a little boy with autism in the class and Harrey the younger is helping him. The teacher picked him because of his brother Ronn.

I can guarantee that this boy will be nicer to him than Ronn.

8 Ronn takes things out on Harrey. We've discussed this with our counselor, are aware of it and trying to take care of it. Ronn will at least give an effort to get along, unlike Hermionie.

9 My feeling is that Harrey tries too hard. We are trying to boost his confidence. It's not as easy as you'd think.

10 Dear husband is off this week and I love having him home. You know how some women can't stand having their husband under foot. Well, I love it.

Off to take youngest to library. See you later!

My brother Brady

2011-06-17T09:45:00.000-05:00

My brother Brady passed away in Southern Illinois. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia when he was in his late teens.

He was in and out of jail. In and out of institutions. He finally settled down in Southern IL, found a wonderful social worker and had a bit of a life. He was coherent, at least. He couldn't work, which was a shame. He knew how to use heavy equipment, but he just couldn't.

My heart aches for my father. He was close to Brady and always very optimistic. He accepted things, I guess, but I know it weighed on his heart. How could it not?

My brother Brent wrote a nice tribute to him. Brent and Brady were raised by my dad's first wife; he left them when they were around 10 or 11 years old. He kept in touch but they lived in southern Illinois and Dad moved to Chicago. I was born here in Chicago, of course, when they were junior and senior in High School.

He had his share of problems, of course. He had the police called on him several times. Brady came in my area and was knocking on doors at 2 am trying to find our house. He showed up here one day. Thank God Bruce was home. The kids were scared to death of him. He wanted money for cigarettes, which we didn't give him. Food, clothing, place to stay, sure; smokes, no. Phone calls asking for money and conversations about the government controlling our thoughts.

But he was a boy, once, full of promise and the future. Things did not turn out the way his parents thought they might and I mourn that loss with my dad. As a parent, you want fairly normal things, like family, steady job, pursuit of dreams.

I am a person of Christian Faith and so was Brady. I know that his soul is in heaven and that his soul, his spirit, his mind is healed and whole. This takes a little of the sting away.

My brother wrote a lovely tribute to him. If you would like read it, here is the link.

Bass--ically

2011-06-16T10:10:00.000-05:00

My daughter Hermionie has big hair, big dreams and big talent. Some people are just like that. I hate people like that but she's born out of my body. What can I do?

She has always been on the artistic side. She can draw beautifully (I'll have to scan and post). She can sing. She plays the flute and the horrendous oboe that the school gave her.

Now she's learning the bass guitar. Bruce has been playing it at church and is really enjoying it. She has taken guitar lessons and tired of it, once she started playing flute. The Jazz Band at the junior high needs a bass player so she borrowed his bass and has been learning it.

I'm taking her over to the junior high now for a little lesson. Next week Ronn and Hermionie start band in the morning four days a week. Harrey? I'll blog about him later.

Percussion Runaround

2011-06-15T09:52:00.000-05:00

First Ronn was playing snare.

Next, Ronn was playing snare and marimba. Not just any old marimba, double hand/double stick marimba. No lessons. Just play.

Today and mind you, this is the third day, he has been asked to play snare, marimba and keyboard.

He played keyboard at the junior high but this music is a little trickier. I looked at the music. The chords are a little complicated but not that bad. It's rhythmic; it's accompaniment. It's not solo work. He studied piano for four years; he can do this.

I asked him what he wanted to do. He said that he didn't want to let anyone down. I told him that he did not have to do this if he didn't want to and that he should talk to his teacher tomorrow.

Later he told me that the teacher gave him the option of not doing it; I had to practically pry it out of him, but he told me. He says he's going to give it a go. I told him that it will help him be a little more flexible and it will make things easier in the long run.

Flexibility is a good thing. It's a huge issue if you have asperger's. But he's had many years of practice with his scattered mother. Now he'll have 4 more years with our scattered band director, who also has a son on the spectrum.

Is it any wonder that he's crabby when he gets home?

Percussion Drama

2011-06-14T13:27:00.000-05:00

My son, who has asperger's, does not handle change very well. He will learn to be flexible.

He's going to be playing marimbas with 4 mallets, 2 in each hand. He has never done this before and is freaking out. I told him that they would not have him do this if they didn't think that he could. He'll have to put some effort into it.

HA!

There it is. That's the key. That's the puzzle piece.

This child has never been challenged the way he has now and let me tell you, it's only the second day. He can do it, but it's hard. Know what I say?

Too bad.

Percussion Blues

2011-06-13T13:13:00.000-05:00

Ronn the elder started percussion camp at the high school today from 9am-4pm. Long day.

He is learning to play traditional grip and it's tougher than he imagined. He seemed to do well, but I wasn't there so I don't know. He also was missing music, which blew my mind. He was able to share, thank God and we found it at home, eventually.

He is going to play snare drum during marching band but they didn't have a strap for him. That, of course, bothered him, as it would anyone who is an incoming freshman. The embarrassment is magnified through asperger's, I think.

He had a little meltdown in the car. I listened and reassured. He's playing some video games to unwind.

In the past I would have been wracking my brain how to help him; when he was younger things would have been much more of an on-going problem. Thank God those days are over. I can just listen, give constructive advice and let him relax. If he gives me a hard time about going, I'll do what I have always done. Listen, reassure and push him out the door.

Sometimes I just want to cry

2011-06-10T09:55:00.000-05:00

As you know, my youngest has a disorder called tricholtillomania, a hair pulling disorder that sometimes goes along with skin picking. He has been picking his skin on top of his head as well. We thought that it was getting better but I see this today that it's not. Scabs that were not there the other day are there now. And there's a bit of hair missing too, when it was growing back.

I am going to schedule an appointment with a dermatologist, just to make sure it's not an allergic reaction.

It seems that this is related to obsessive compulsive spectrum--another fricking spectrum. We have an appointment with a psychologist about some of his attention issues. Now this.

I do joke around about things, because you have to. If you don't, a person can fold up, which is what I feel like doing.

We had thought that my youngest would be spared social problems, but we were wrong. I know that it could be much worse. I really do.

I just wish...

Flooding Thursday

2011-06-09T05:20:00.000-05:00

My little dog. The Diva. The Tyrant. The Yapper. The Spring who bounces. The Happy. The Sweetie. The Scared.

Our dog does not do well with thunderstorms with the pretty lightning show. We had them all night and into this morning. I was up with her until about 1am when it settled down a bit. She hid under our bed and I got some sleep. We were up again to pouring rain and flooded streets.

It's Ronn the elder's last day of 8th grade. Last night he had the dinner dance and apparently it went well. He was smiling, which is always a good sign. He said he didn't know how to dance, but he was with a group of kids who didn't know how to dance either. I'm glad he had a good time. So, getting everyone up was a challenge.

As far as I knew he had choir this morning. He had to get ready, of course, and then couldn't find his wallet. He didn't have time to look but I gave him some money for lunch. I'm not a mush, I just hate getting their lunch together. I dropped him off in the pouring rain and he ran to the door. Off I went to get the others and a couple of other kids who needed a ride. I had about half an hour.

When I get home Harrey the younger told me that the school called, there was no choir and that I had to pick up Ronn. I called the school and asked them if he could stay in the office.

No.

So I had to get back in the car and get him. Nice, huh? And I would have to take him back in half an hour. I was going to make him sit in the car but the lightning was bad so I let him go in to find his wallet, with his money from yesterday. He found it. I made him give the money from this morning to his little brother. Ha...that'll teach him.

It's Hermionie's last day at the grammar school. She is really into being at the top of the food chain, which is 6th grade in our district. It's her last day too.

I loaded everyone in the minivan in the pouring rain. Not pouring pouring--buckets pouring rain. The side streets were flooded, the sewers were filled to capacity. Drop off the grade schoolers and take Ronn to the junior high.

One of the main arteries in Chicago is Kedzie Avenue; it runs from way up on the northside to the south side. Our part of Kedzie was flooded. The cars were in a single row in the inside lane and I was worried. We went really slow and truthfully, if he didn't have school, I would have gone home.

Dropped him off at school and came home to a frantic dog. Eventually the rain let up, after everyone is dropped off. A few minor drips on our back porch. Basement is dry, thank God, but I'm certain many people around here have seepage.

Dog is sleeping. Garbage cans outside are knocked over from water. Garbage bags are floating around in the water here and there. Husband's work sent him way over to the Western Suburbs; he's wet and he's got the rest of the day to go.

Tonight is graduation.

Tuesday Ten

2011-06-07T04:32:00.000-05:00

1 I find myself very negative the last week or so. Or more, maybe, but I notice it. Am aware.

2 I am spending too much doggone time on the internet. That stops today.

3 I was going to unhook my wireless but I decided merely to turn off my laptops Wi-Lan thingie. If that's what it's called.

4 Hermionie had her 6th grade dinner dance yesterday. It was in the grade school gym with no air. We all melted.

5 I had to use a film camera. Couldn't find my digital.

6 It was very nice except that it was all about the popular kids. I was disgusted.

7 I think it's good for my daughter to see this. Thankfully she's pretty level headed. If it were me at that age, I would feel horrible.

8 My daughter looked so beautiful. I'll post pictures as soon as I can.

9 I've known these kids since they were kindergartners. They looked awkward and on the brink. Just right.

10 One 5th grader has a crush on Hermionie. She finds it annoying. I told her to be extra nice to him. Maybe that's the wrong advice but he is such a sweet boy and very cute; I hate to have his feelings hurt. But again, maybe that's the way it has to be.

I think this is definitely where my daughter and I are different---in a good way. I'm extremely tender hearted, basically a mush. She's like my mom, more detached, logical. It will be oil and water for a while, but I know we'll be ok.

10.5 She was supposed to go with her father but she wanted me instead. I think she chose wisely but I know he was hurt. I am going to force them to have bfast together or something just for them.

Mom is in the nile part 2

2011-06-04T08:40:00.000-05:00

I just got rid of 3 large black garbage bags full of shirts, shorts and pants. I had shirt put away from last year. They were too big and I put them away until this summer.

None of them fit him. Then we went through his regular drawers and the piles got bigger and bigger. His brother has nothing else to pass on. On the good side, he has shorts to wear from his big brother. Most of them are above the knee which is a big Bozo no-no, but too bad. If he's wearing them around the house or in the pool or backyard or playing with friends, what does it matter? He can wear the nice ones when we go out.

Ronn the elder has no shorts at all and no swimming trunks.

Hermionie? I am afraid to bring it up because I know what she'll say.

Good thing I got that 30% off coupon from a local department store.

In the meantime, I'm calling my youngest's friends to see if they want to go through the bags for themselves. Much of the clothes that my youngest has gotten are hand-me-downs from his brother and from others. It's time to share.

Personally I love pass-them-ons or whatever you want to call them. When you get a bag of clothes to go through, it's a little like Christmas. I hope my kids feel the same and aren't ashamed later on.

Friday Few and Far Between

2011-06-03T06:59:00.000-05:00

This is the official last week of school as next Friday it's a half day. I don't know why they consider this a full week when they were off on Monday.

I find myself in complete denial about the entire thing. My oldest, the kid with asperger's who they said would be eaten alive in Jr. High, is graduating with many honors and voted smartest boy in his class.

For many of you who have listened to me complain and cry over his many struggles and trials and have cheered with me at his many accomplishments, you know what this means to my family and to me, his mom.

I feel that I can hardly take credit for how he has blossomed. I think it's a mixture of help, the kind class he had at grammar school, the encouragement of his many teachers, his siblings, many hours of working with him, involving him here and there and everywhere we could think of, love, patience, yelling (did I say that?), discipline, love, and the secret ingredient.

Lots and lots and lots of prayer and faith and the faithfulness of God. I know that there are some that will disagree but that's fine. It's my experience and I won't change that.

We watch Ronn's confidence go from negative to normal; not overconfident, but a regular 14 year old confident. I didn't have his normal confidence when I was his age and neither did my husband. It's a delight to see him stand tall in the back of the band while he plays the xylophone or the bells or the timpani or whatever he is assigned.

Going through all his trials has made my faith grow stronger, although I still sin and worry. Can you imagine my gall? Anyway, I see my youngest struggling and we are concerned about his future in school. It will be different than his brother's because he is not academic. He tries so hard, too hard, in fact. He's annoying. He has anxiety problems. Where will he fit in?

Harrey the younger likes outdoors. We're going to keep him in Cub Scouts and I know that as he gets older he will flourish with them. And he sings.

All my kids sing, mind you. Ronn the elder got awards and compliments. My daughter doesn't like to sing solo but she can and has and will join choir. But her love is playing her instruments, for the moment and she is seriously very good. She memorized and played a college level piece.

Harrey sings. On key and on pitch. We've heard him hum. We've heard him at church in the pew. Is this a little niche? We don't know yet but we wouldn't at all be surprised.

The graduation parties are lining up. I'm thinking of doing something for us too. After all two of us graduated. I didn't walk the platform to get my little piece of paper but I did get my Associates too. We certainly don't need a party but now that I am older I see the need to celebrate these milestones.

Milestones that I never dreamed of.

Film

2011-05-26T14:46:00.000-05:00

My son's digital camera is broken so he will be using my old fashioned film camera for the class trip.

It cost $11 for the battery and $9 for 4 rolls of film. It does not include having them "developed."

I could have bought him a junk digital camera for $20.

Live and learn.

Mom is in the nile

2011-05-26T04:40:00.000-05:00

I have a daughter.

She is lovely. She has gorgeous, long, thick hair that she plans to donate to Locks of Love or some other worthy organization.

She is smart. She has been in the gifted program for years, since she was in first grade.

She is talented. Flute. Singing (although she would deny this). Dancing (stiff but she does what she is supposed to). Baking (her new passion).

She is 12 years old. She is ditzy. She is moody. She is hormonal.

She can do and does her own laundry.

This morning she was very late to get to school. She came down barefoot.

"You need to wear socks, Hermionie."

"I don't have any socks."

"Did you do your laundry?"

"Yes."

"Did you put your clothes away?"

"Yes. But there were no socks. I don't know what happened to them."

So I lectured in the car while she listened in stony silence. And by the way, I can do stony silence because I've had years and years of practice. Stony silence means nothing to me.

I dropped her off. She was mad. I was mad. And then it occurred to me.

She's 12. I am trying to reason with a 12 year old. I'm not saying it can't be done but you cannot reason with a 12 year old the way you can with a 10 year old or an adult.

I have 6 more years of this. Or so.

Well, now I know. Parenting a child this age--and she is still a child---is a whole new ball game. I've been playing in the wrong field.

Tuesday Ten

2011-05-24T06:18:00.000-05:00

1 Went walking with a friend last night. Wonderful conversation and much, much needed.

2 It meant that Bruce was home with the kids so they were happy. It's free for all. LOL Poor Bruce.

3 I don't like the kids playing on video games during the school week. I tolerate the computer but they are only on it 2x a week each.

4 Bruce let them play last night.

5 Do you remember me complaining about being the bad guy all the time?

6 Harrey the youngest took Kiwi for a walk yesterday afternoon--a long walk to our local park.

7 Dear daughter was also at the park with her friends. Harrey brought the dog over to his sister and her friends and the dog was good. She was scared, we think, but she lay down and let her friends pet her.

8 Progress! WooHOO!

Pickles and Ice Cream

2011-05-21T10:33:00.000-05:00

When I was pregnant with Ronn, my oldest, I craved tuna fish, hamburgers and watermelon. Lots and lots of watermelon. He was born in October so I spent the summer eating it almost every day. My husband was working south in a little town called Posen and his shop was next door to a fruit and vegetable wholesaler. He got the best watermelon in the area. It was so good. All my kids love watermelon, but especially my oldest.

When I was pregnant with Hermionie, I had no cravings. I had aversions. Certain smells made me nauseous through the whole pregancy. Cooked poultry, including chicken and turkey, made me gag. She is the most finicky eater of all the kids.

When I was pregnant with Harrey the younger, I had strange, random cravings. I had to have spinach dip. I had to have guacamole. I had to have liver sausage.

I don't eat liver because it's gross. I like chicken livers deep fried with batter but I'll even eat mushrooms that way. My father ate liver sausage when I was a kid. I ate it once in a while but it was not my favorite.

For some reason I had to have liver sausage with Harrey. I remember going to the deli and asking for a 1/2 inch slice. The woman thought I was nuts; I told her I was pregnant.

Liver sausage is terrible for you. It's processed meat, it's loaded with salt and preservatives. It's not good. But. I bought some squishy Wonder Bread, put some mayonaise on it like my dad did and had half a sandwich. And it was so good. It hit the spot. Bruce ate the other half; he loves liver. It's been 10 years or so and I've never had it since.

My youngest spent the night at a friend's house last night. Guess what he had on crackers? Liver sausage. Guess what he wants me to buy?

Unbelievable.

Best and Brightest

2011-05-21T09:50:00.000-05:00

My family and I were enjoying PBS Nova today on the Loneliest Animals in the World. I looked for the video online but it's not posted yet. Sorry. It is about the world's most endangered animals, including my special favorite, Lonesome George.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm raising a family of geeks. They like to go to museums and read the things on the exhibits. I'm sorry. I wish they were athletically gifted but they're not.

The Cincinnati Zoo is raising sumatran rhinos, which are on the brink of extinction. We won't be going to Cincinnati this year but I suggested that we visit the Milwaukee Zoo because it's so close.

So I asked my oldest, who was voted the smartest boy in 8th grade by jury of his peers and his sister, who is also considered very, very smart.

"Do you know where Milwaukee is?" I asked them.

My daughter was wrapped up in her fleece blanket and said, "I think it's in Kansas."

"Yeah, it's in Kansas," said the smartest boy in 8th grade.

"It's in Wisconsin," I said with no little sarcasm.

"Oh," said oldest, "I thought it was in Wyoming or Colorado."

"Milwaukee, Colorado?" I asked.

"Yeah," said my daughter and her hair.

Yup. Best and Brightest.

My friend Jo

2011-05-20T05:51:00.000-05:00

When I moved into my current house, I was going into 6th grade. My family had moved from the east side of Chicago (South Shore). They found a house that was very close to my father's work and eventually my mother, a nurse, found work in another nearby hospital.

We attended a little Presbyterian church and I met a girl my age named Joanne. She was the youngest of three sisters. Most of her family, uncles, aunts, cousins, lived in her area. That was novel because my little family was adrift with no one around us. My uncle's family lived about an hour away and we weren't close to them. My mom's sisters lived in Ontario, Canada at the time.

Jo was a bit different than me. She wore make up. She painted her nails. She was much more savvy and world wise, because she had older sisters. How I looked up to her. Now, just because she wore make up, it doesn't mean that she was wild. She was not. Not at all. She was a sweet, sweet girl. Now she's a sweet, sweet woman.

I had mentioned before that I was in a less than perfect marriage. One day things got so bad that I fled. I called my girlfriend Jo and spent the night on her couch. Her kids were small then; her youngest was in a playpen. Her and her husband were so kind to me. They wanted me to stay but I wanted to go to work. So I did. And I went back.

We kept in touch. She attended my second marriage to Bruce. We exchanged cards. We talked once in a while but life has a way of getting away from us.

Her little children grew into men. Two of them are in the army and are married. She's a grandma now. It's hard to believe. Scott, her husband, was a house husband, which I thought was the coolest thing in the world. This is what the feminist movement was all about--choices. Jo made the money so she worked. Scott stayed home and raised three wonderful sons. I was so proud to know them and I admired and admire them so.

This year Jo's mom died. It's hard to believe she's gone. Joanne is the executor of the will; it's hard for me to imagine because in my mind's eye, I see her as a 12 year old or a teenager in high school.

On Monday, Scott had a massive heart attack and died. He had major health problems, to be sure, but no one expected this. Jo performed CPR but he was already gone.

Today, Jo is having Scott's funeral. His boys are all home; one of them had to fly in from Afganistan. She asked me to read something she wrote because she just can't. I feel honored to do it.

After her mom died, she called me and we had lunch. We've been in touch fairly regularly through Facebook and breakfasts. I'm glad she did. I feel privileged to stand along side her with her family. It's been a tough year for her.

Doggie Notes

2011-05-19T08:16:00.000-05:00

My rescue Jack Russell/Rat Terrier named Kiwi is settling down somewhat. I started walking her again. I babied myself with this surgery and just started back again on Monday. It feels good for both of us, I'm sure.

She's not quite as scared around others, like she was just a few months ago. I don't know how she would be with people in the house but she's settled down when we walk so I count that as something.

My kids love her to death and are very careful with her. The boys quibble over who the dog loves more. Yes, it's ridiculous but we are trying to let them figure it out--until it gets stupid. We intervene for stupid.

Today we had a little walk and we got a surprise. Runnind down the middle of the street was a coyote. That is unusual because we live in the Chicagoland area; even though we are a suburb, we are practically city. Kiwi was anxious to go after the poor animal, who was trim and probably more than a little frightened.

I called our town hall to give them a heads up.

Now what?

2011-05-18T17:17:00.000-05:00

My kids went to youth group tonight.

My daughter's leader told me that she prayed that she could control her eating; that she eats too much.

What do I do with that?

My oldest was having some autistic moments; he didn't like playing the games and was upset.

(Waving the white flag)

Tuesday Ten

2011-05-17T17:40:00.000-05:00

1 I get so sick of being the bad guy.

2 My daughter and oldest son had two nights of concerts. Yesterday, they were in a jazz concert with the high school.

3 Tonight they performed with the jazz band, concert band and oldest performed with the choir as well. Oldest son got lots of nice awards. Nice evening.

4 We got ice cream.

5 Daughter and little brother got into fight over who sat where on the couch.

6 Mouthy brother got mad because older sister took spot. Older sister took exception to this.

7 Father says nothing while they fight.

8 I referee.

9 Youngest smarts off and gets grounded. Daughter smarts off and no one says anything. She's always right.

10 I am sick to death of being the bad guy.

Surprise

2011-05-16T18:44:00.000-05:00

Ronn the elder and Hermionie had a jazz band concert tonight. Guess when I found out? This afternoon. No one told me.

The junior high band performed a few songs at the high school jazz band awards concert. It was good but it was long. Everyone's exhausted.

Tomorrow night it's the spring band concert. I'm going to have some tired children tomorrow night. The parents will be beat too.

Friday Rant

2011-05-13T08:33:00.000-05:00

I just posted an article about a mom who gives her little 8 year old botox injections. The woman has her daughter going to pageants and was given advice from other moms who have been doing this in secret. It defies the imagination.

When my daughter was much younger, complete strangers would come up to me and tell me how beautiful she is, how she could be a model, had I ever thought about that, she could be in a magazine, etc.

I never once considered it. She could have. She was adorable but why expose her to people who have unrealistic expectations on their looks and vicious about and to other children?

It is bad enough that this little girl has the injections. It's dangerous. We know this. But what about the thought process and the environment that teaches, that accepts, that encourages this type of behavior.

Of course, it's dangerous because you are dealing with drugs, after all. But what about the underlying thought? That other mothers, other women who also have children, are giving this type of sick advice to another mother. I am sorry, but these other mothers, who are doing it in secret, have evil intentions and may not even be aware of it.

Tuesday Ten

2011-05-10T15:29:00.000-05:00

Very random this week...

1 I'm feeling better but I'm tired but I can't take a nap.

2 I did some mommy shopping today and I was pooped. It helped when I had something to drink (a Gatorade knockoff). Put the stuff in the freezer and left the rest for the kids to put away.

3 I watched Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon for the first time. Yes, I am very behind. It was a good movie. Depressing.

4 I rented CTHD from the local library, along with a movie called "The Boy in Striped Pajamas." As I was leaving, I looked on the cart of used books and bought a brand new copy of "The Lost; a Search for Six Million People" by Daniel Mendelson. It was a quarter! Yay, me! I was looking at that book and considered reading it. Well. It's meant to be.

5 My oldest, the aspie, the drummer, the singer, the smartypants, has trouble with money. He is a spender. We're trying to teach the boy how to save.

I'm thinking of giving him a wad of cash and making him buy his own socks, underwear and shoes for the year. What do you think?

6 We are concerned that my youngest is pulling his hair out. The social worker and our new psychologist are on it. They are letting him wear a hat at school, which is good. And it helps keep his hands off his head.

7 Daughter has been spending a lot of time with her friends at the park. So far it's been ok.

8 I really want to go back to school in the fall. I think it's for the best in the long run. I'll have a chance at a much better job with a degree than with an Associates.

9 I'm not sure my husband will agree. And I'm not sure that he should agree with me. He's got a burden of the family on his shoulders.

10 I have been losing weight slowly but surely. I don't really feel like eating and my stomach hurts. It's sore. Not where the stitches are. Just the general area. It's like I had a labor pains and the body needs to heal itself. I'm hoping to use this time to retrain myself to eat better and wiser.

But have no doubt. I am eating, but much smaller portions and less often.

Friday Flayings

2011-05-06T17:58:00.000-05:00

I was tired. I decided to lay down at about 11:15am and woke up about 1:44pm. There went my day.

Watched The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Loved the book and loved the movie.

Quiet evenings are the best.

Thursday, um, Thrills; thrills, that's the ticket!

2011-05-05T09:29:00.000-05:00

I drove myself to the doctor today because I didn't want to impose on anyone. But apparently it was ok! I got my staples out; it pinched and I said ow a couple of times.

But I'm able to do my thing. I just can't lift 20 lbs/9.07kg for 3 weeks. So the laundry will have to be brought down and brought up by someone else.

I have been feeling kinda down. Maybe it's because I've been cooped up here in the house. Maybe it's because we still have to nag the kids to do anything. My daughter spilled brownie mix on the floor. She honestly didn't know what to do; I don't get this but whatever. So I told her to sweep it up and throw the dirt in the garbage. She did exactly that--and left the broom in the middle of the kitchen floor. Seriously.

I am thinking about this carefully. Do I have to tell her every single step like her big brother? If I do, then I'll do that. I have to think about this.

Oldest has been really mean to his little brother. I wonder if something is going on at school and he's not telling us. Oldest is banned from the computer because he put off a major school project until the very last minute. I'm not sure how I'm going to stop this other than to let the kid fail; I'm willing to do that if it teaches him a lesson.

So, I'm getting the check book and going to the grocery store. A good friend of mine is bringing over a casserole tonight. She offered and I called. We had very little for dinner last night and I was appalled.

It will be good to get out of the house and start cleaning. I won't overdo it but at least I *can.*

Blessing and receiving blessing

2011-05-03T11:05:00.000-05:00

I'll try.

In the book "90 Minutes in Heaven," the author suffers a full body cast after a horrific accident and literal death.

He naturally feels very sorry for himself. People try to help him and he turns them away. A very good friend (you'd have to be) tells him that he's wrong. People have the desire to help and bless him, but he, the author, the man in the body cast is robbing them of their blessing.

The people who want to help feel blessed when they are able to help. If you deny them the ability to help, then you are robbing them of a blessing.

So someone went to the author while he was in a hospital and asked him what he would like. The author asked for a strawberry shake. The visitor ran out and got him the shake. The author loved the shake and the visitor was delighted to get it for him. See? The author was blessed by the shake but the visitor was blessed because he was able to do that small thing.

Bottom line; pride. I was too proud to tell people and let people help me or pray for me. People want to help and couldn't because I wouldn't let them; I was wrong.

You may say that I'm not wrong, but for me personally I know my heart and I know I was wrong.