I asked about bullying on Facebook and I got the most wonderful response. Many of my friends, who I consider strong, were once bullied themselves and they offered advice to me and to my youngest. I thought I would share it here.
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K - Taking a child out of school because he or she is being bullied is ridiculous! Also, only alowing them friends that you choose for them will be damaging to their social developemnt at any age. There are bulies everywhere! Every job I have ever had had cliques and bullies. If you run away fromev ery bullie then you should say good bye to a social life all together and good luck keeping a job!
K - Stopping a bullie comes from within. where there is confidence there is a defense. I was bullied. I was not the most confident person, but when I needed it I let it go. I had to make the decision that next time something like that happened I would not stand for it. He or she needs to say... I dont accept your nastiness! and those who do are lieing to themselves! It wont happen over night, but if he really diggs deep, he will find the strength to power through. He/ she needs to be remined that high school, or this group will not last forever, tomorrow is another day and bullies are sad and lonely people. Violence is not a resort at all. asking for help from teachers counslers parents ant trusted peers is the way to go. There is strength in numbers.
K - If words dont come easy what about a kind of rehersal, for example, we all run things through in our head when we are nevous or leave a situation and think to ourselves, ooohh I should have said blah blah blah, .....How about talking about what happened and making suggestions of how to come back at the kid in the most non aggressive way. dont say, I am not stupid, you are! He could say I know how smart I am, so what your saying to try to bother me just isnt working because it is not true. Make sure that the bullie feels like he is not getting a reaction. they feed off of it, it is like pouring gasoline on a fire. When he stops fanning the flames the fire will go out.
J - Chris - I had a situation where Alaine was being bullied by a classmate. I told her to tell the teachers. It didn't stop. I tried going to the teachers. Their attitude was basically "kids will be kids". I then went to the child's parent and discussed it with her. She was shocked that her son was treating my daughter this way and no one told her. The kid was talked to by his mom. Now Alaine and that boy are good friends.
A - im not quite to this point w my bf kids yet but i can speak from personal experience. I was teased heavily from 2nd grade to 8th grade. when I was younger, I was kind of passive. I was fortunate eonough to take my moms words as gold and I pretty much lived by the motto "be the better person and walk away" unfortunately I totally quit softball when I was about 10 because of how badly the kids on the team treated me. I loved summer camp but most of the girls there teased me too. I was very passive and I really just convinced myself it was their problem, not mine, even though it hurt my feelings. If it was too much I found new activities and stuck to my tighter knit group of friends. Around Jr. High I started working on come backs... which all were bad and sometimes embarassing but i was {and am ;-)} a pretty sharp shooter by highschool. I developed humor as a coping mechanism beteen 5th and 6th grade and that lasted all the way up to my present. Finding the silver lining to strenghthen my back bone was probably the best tool I ever got. Idk if that helps you any, but that was my experience. I was and still am kida a weird kid... its all about building optimism and a genuine good character.
A-M -Martial arts is about self disicipline and building self confidence. My son went through the same crap and with constant love from us and martial arts he has never looked back.
P - ITA with you there!!! :( Buillying is just WRONG. Have you ever read Frank Peretti's book "The Wounded Spirit"? IMHO it should be on every teen's required reading list (especially Christians!)
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I saw that the underlying answer was something internal. The strength must come from within. We'll help, we'll point the way, we'll be there to lift him up and tell him we love him, but the work has to come inside in his own time, in God's time.
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