Friday, February 20, 2015

Friday Five

1 Ronn the actor is in his final high school play tonight. He has been in a play each of his high school years, similar to me. I was a Thespian, a committed actor, as my son is committed to music.

It is a bittersweet ending. He wanted a larger part but honestly he had no time. He thought that by being in the play he would have friendships like he did his freshman and sophomore year. People are friendly but he does not hang out with anyone there. We are hoping that will change in college.

2 Speaking of college, he was accepted into the school of music in one of his favorite schools. But it is not *the* favorite. He is upset that things are not going his way. I feel bad that he feels bad but I think this will be the place he lands.

3 Daughter Hermionie is sick with a cold-again. I think it's something to do with overworking herself. She will be home tonight resting before a long day on Saturday.

4 Harrey has a solo ensemble competition tomorrow. He does not work as hard as the other two and it is an unending source of irritation for me. I have to let it go and let him sort it out.

5 I have lost 17.6 pounds since the beginning of January. Weight Watchers is working for me but it is still hard.

It was a shock to see how much I weighed when I started but I faced it and I did not turn into dust. The actual weight loss has the added benefit of extra energy and so my house is benefiting. I know. I'm at home and my house should be spic and span. It's not but I'm working on it. At least more than I have.

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I woke this morning with a song on my mind. I heard it when I was a new believer probably 25 years ago. What a lovely blessing it is to hear it.



Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Two Days in a Life - Sunday, Day 1

My daughter Hermionie had to go to a music competition north of the city. Normally it would talk about 1 - 1 1/2 hours to get there from our house. Normal weather, including rain.

I live in Chicago.

To get to our destination we avoided the toll roads and drove through the city. This is what we came upon. I was going to say ran into, but that would be a terribly poor choice of words, in more ways than one.



http://wgntv.com/2015/02/15/lake-effect-snow-shuts-down-parts-of-kennedy-expressway/

We were going northbound but the accident happened in southbound traffic. It took us at least an hour to go about 2 miles. When we finally got through, the roads were terrible. Snow everywhere. Icy roads and crazy drivers who felt liberated and rushed from being in the horrendous traffic jam.

As we got closer to our destination, the snow got worse. It was almost white out conditions. Then I couldn't find the place. And why was that? I googled it and had the directions. Well, the directions on google were incorrect and I would have known that had my daughter forwarded the email from her conductor. The mother of my daughter's friend had to go in the snowy street and flag me down.

We got there in the nick of time. The parents and I dare say, the conductor, were probably angry at me. Why? Because I didn't have a smartphone and didn't take a different route.

Poor Hermionie. I felt so bad for her and upset and humiliated. The parents' look of disdain was just awful. So awful.

I took a different road back and honestly, there was no snow on the ground. It was all lake effect snow.

When I got back I slept for about 2 1/2 hours. The next day I faced a 3 hour ride to Decatur, IL.

More tomorrow.




Sunday, February 8, 2015

Mom Meltdown

There comes a time where once in a while you've just had enough.

My daughter Hermionie and her father just pushed me over the edge.

Her room was bad. There were two full baskets of clothing on her floor. I took a third full basket of dirty clothes to the laundry room. I don't know what's clean, what's dirty or what is to be kept or discarded.

I washed two of the loads. The other load are things that need to be hung to dry, like pants or button down shirts. I washed them and dried them and I folded them. I told her that I wanted to go through and get rid of things. She said that she would do this herself. She has said that for months now.

I had a pile of clothing. I had folded them. All she had to do was say "yes, I'll keep" or "no, get rid of." She said that this made her feel like a baby and she would do it herself. Her father, at the computer, sat oblivious. He had been laughing at how we were raising "divas." I agreed. I told her she was acting like a diva. She said she wasn't and why was I calling her that. I said to ask her father.

Know what he says? "Well, what is a diva?"

She refused to do what I asked. I put the laundry in the basket and said I was done. She laughed and went upstairs.

I told my husband thank you for backing me up. I told him that he saw all the clothes, that he knew about the mess and that he did not support me in getting this done. He looked like I had three heads and didn't know what I was talking about.

I told him, ok, I shouted, that I was going to leave the house and that no one listens to me and that he never backs me up. Then he sighed and said, "Ok. Should I go upstairs?"

I went to the library.


Sunday, February 1, 2015

2015 Snow on the Southside

Today my youngest son started the snow blower all by himself. It was a lovely moment for me and I'm so proud of the job that he did. Ronn the percussionist took 20 minutes to get dressed, shoveled a little bit and then went inside. He wouldn't have done the steps except I asked him.  Oh well, he did it anyway.

Kiwi

Yesterday this was completely clean.



There is something lovely about the snow. It absorbs the sound and at the moment there are no airplanes. Not a lot of cars either. The quiet is lovely.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Sunday Musings

Ronn the practice child and I went to visit one of the state Universities on Friday. We had to leave early because I'm a nervous driver and was worried about getting there on time.

I hate driving city but love driving on the highway.  I hear people complaining about the flat prairie farm fields but I enjoy it. I remember as a kid hating it. It was so boring but you know, I managed and I managed alone.

We got there and arrived in time for the music department presentation. We also saw two other students from their music school. We did not get to spend much time together because my son was going on a different course. Music Technology.


He interviewed with several instructors and came out of there a little shaken. He was looking forward to trying out for the drum line of the marching band. And doing symphony. The teachers told him that he would not be able to do as much outside activities as he would like and that it's a tough program. I was so pleased. It was a wake up call that showed him where his heart is and that is in performance.

Not that I want him to become a performer full time. No. I want him to be able to realistically look at life and work and what a dream means. My husband has played music his entire life. Is he paid? No, not really. But he has consistently done music for 40 plus years. That's pretty amazing. It's not that you can't do music. It's just that you may have to rethink what it will look like long term.

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Weight Watchers is going pretty well. I have more energy than I have had in a long time and that is reflected in my home. I purged a lot of clothing that I haven't worn in many years and will be donating them. I asked the kids to do the same. I haven't even talked to my husband about it. Not really. He has trouble getting rid of things period. It can wait, I suppose.

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In my latest crocheting efforts, I am debating the colors of this scarf.



I worked on it while we were waiting for my son's interview at the university. The ribbon colors are supposed to reflect Autism Awareness. I didn't realize that they were rainbow colors when I bought the yarn. Still I think I'm just going to go for it. They look nice and bright against the black. Just what I was looking for.

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Still no luck on our vehicle. I am hemming and hawing about the size of the vehicle. The kids are older and I'm not sure that we need a minivan anymore. We're looking at a mid size SUV with great gas mileage. It's small though and the one we're looking at is what I would call "stripped." However it's in our price range and it's a year old with low mileage. We'll see.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Like everyone else

I am a nervous drive and I'm worried about driving to Champaign/Urbana. I was there over the summer when everyone was out of school. Tomorrow school is in session and there will be a million people and cars and I am not familiar. Dread does not come close.

Ronn is pulling the same thing as he did last semester. He's not turning in homework and we just started a new semester. In my opinion, he is playing a game called "I'm going away to college, just like everyone else, so then I'll be like everyone else." The stooge of a parent is going along and enabling him-at least for tomorrow.

He has another audition in February. If he is still pulling the same, um, doodoo, then I do not feel obliged to drive him to this audition. I don't. It's playing. It's pretend. It's acting. It's not honest.

Honest would look like this:

I'm overwhelmed.
I'm so overwhelmed I cannot think straight.
I want to go away to school like I see everyone else.
People who stay home and go to junior college are losers.
I don't want my peers to know that I'm not even in the top 10% of my class when freshman year, I was top 5.
I want to go to college and play.
I am terrified of the thought of trying to get a job after college. What am I going to do?

Instead, we post clever sayings on Facebook and tell them that everything is ok when it isn't. Just like everyone else.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Retreats and Advance

I joined Weight Watchers three weeks ago today and I'm down 7 pounds. That's great except that...no. No. I won't talk about how much weight I have to lose. No. I lost 7 pounds and good for me.

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We are actively looking for colleges for our oldest aspie. And yes, it is an issue. He has been having trouble staying disciplined and we are not sure that he will be able to handle being away from home. Now that his grades have gone down, he will not be getting as much money. And we're not signing loans. Both his father and I agree.

Two of the three were away this weekend. My oldest went away for a retreat with school. They talk about what is going on in their lives, do skits, have fun and have excellent speakers. Ronn the percussionist was very disappointed that he was not chosen to be an emcee. He has had many disappointments because he had unrealistic expectations. He thought he would do this, then that, then this, then that and it did not work out that way. I feel bad but on the other hand, he has got to learn this now rather than later.

My daughter was supposed to go to the same retreat but didn't want to go. Last Sunday (not yesterday, as I am writing this on Monday), she told me that she didn't want to go to the school retreat but was interested in going to the church retreat. I signed her up and she went. She was not happy. My daughter wanted to stay home and go to the music school. I wanted her to be 16 and take a break. I prayed for her all weekend. The subject of the 3 day retreat? Rest.

It is to laugh.

Youngest was lounging around at home but doggone it if he doesn't do his chores.  He is hooked on Minecraft. I let him play if his friends are on there otherwise forget it. He and I are also catching up on Star Trek: Voyager. He watches two episodes a night and I do not forbid it.

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Our minivan need $2000 plus work on it so we are looking for a new vehicle. The van is 19 years old and every year we are putting at least $1000. Our mechanic told us it was time. I am going to be driving oldest to a college interview on Friday as it looks like we will be renting a car.

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I have written about the dissolution of a friendship. I found out through the grapevine that she is engaged and moving away. I am sad. Sad about her family. Sad about the way things happened. But I am moving on too. Counseling is helping. The past is behind me. I'm finally doing it. I'm looking ahead.