Thursday, July 17, 2014

This week

Oldest is at a missions trip.

Youngest is still with the Boy Scouts in Michigan.

Daughter is a busy only child this week. She's driving in the driver's ed class and she's in two music camps. One is an ensemble which finishes up tomorrow and the other is a wind symphony, which will conclude in August.

The house is so peaceful and quiet. The quiet screams at me on Tuesday and Thursday when she's done for the evening.


I made some big changes. I am seeing a Christian therapist every two weeks. I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to talk to someone who doesn't know me from Adam and gives me a little encouragement so that I know I'm not crazy. It is so nice for someone to tell me that my decisions are reasonable and sensible. I mean, I think that they are but it's nice to hear it from someone else.

Monday nights I attend a Christian weight loss support group. It is very good, just what I need. One of the mottos is "Imperfect progress is still progress." I repeat that to myself often.

Tuesday night I went line dancing. My daughter said, in her teenage voice, "Line dancing?" It's all part of my get out and try new things goal. I've done it before but it's been years. It was very fun. I would totally do it again and may.

My mom and dad are getting old. They are 87 and 89, respectively. My dad has not been feeling good and my mom is still recovering from the spider bite on her leg in November. It's July so you know how serious it is.

My mom's doctor that she loves like a son has moved his practice so she can't see him anymore. She is unsure what to do. My father has been feeling dizzy and thinks it could be a side effect from his anti-depression meds. My brother is flying down there and I will go to Florida when he leaves.

I think of this week as the quiet before the storm. I'm applying actively for jobs. I have to take my oldest to a college visit and tell him to start applying at places. We are relinquishing responsibility to him and it is very hard for him. Of course we are there to support and guide, like we always are, but he has got to start doing even more on his own. For the problems that he's had, he's doing well. And the problems that have showed up are being dealt with now.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Oh, well...

Strange week so far.

I received a hand written note from my ex. He told me about a theatre reunion of sorts and asked that I attend. I have no intention of attending but passed the information along to people I knew. I was very involved in theatre when I was in my teens and early 20s. It was a true idol in my life. When I became a Christian, I found that I was free to do or not to do theatre. It had no hold on me and I lost interest. There were other things to do.\

I thought I was supposed to go to Florida with my brother to talk to my mom and dad. Apparently this is not happening. I had told my brother to find out his days off and buy the tickets. He sent me an email and I thought it was taken care of. He thought I would get back to him. We're not going, so my path is clear. I'm looking for work.

A friend invited several girls to attend a breakfast after driver's ed. My daughter cannot attend and I asked them if they could do it another day. The answer was no.

How nice. If your daughter was not going to be able to attend, I assume that you would ask for a different day, but you know us. We're bottom of the food chain, right there with the dried gum on the sidewalk.

Crankiness aside, youngest is going to be at Boy Scout camp for two whole weeks. The friend who is sharing his tent is having some problems. He called his mother up sobbing and begging her to pick him up from camp, using his phone. He was not allowed to have a phone in the first place. My son is probably mad at him (he mentioned this to his mom) because he probably kept it on all night.

You understand, it is pitch black up there and an Ipod or Android would be very bright, especially in a tent. Oh well. They will have to figure it out.

While I was up there, one of the Scout Leaders made Harrey the younger second in charge. I hope that this is not a problem and a set-up for failure. Again, I have to say, Oh well, he'll have to step up. The past month I've been talking to him about just that--stepping up. He's probably thinking some cranky thoughts like his mom.

Finally, I am sad to record the passing of my first boyfriend. He was my friend's brother. He was a perfect gentleman to backwardly innocent me. He never manhandled me but was always polite and protective, like a big brother. He liked to drink, got into a terrible car accident and that was that. He lived with brain damage and disability for the rest of his life. He was 55 years old. When I think of him, I have nothing but kind thoughts and bittersweet memories of the past. Bittersweet because we were all so young and so stupid. Bittersweet because it was only by God's grace that we weren't ourselves in a car accident.

The past is past. As I've gotten older, this knowledge seems to haunt me.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Weekend Update

Oldest is moping around the house bemoaning the fact that he has no friends but won't hang out with people who would like him to hang out with them. We are working with him to think about money. His own money. His own money that he earned that he can spend any way he wants. His. Own. Money.

Daughter had four wisdom teeth pulled and couldn't play her flute for a little under 3 weeks. The swelling is down so I think it's safe to start again. The doctor told us she could start practicing again within four to five days. No. Just no.

Youngest is a huge pain in the, uh, neck, which goes along with being 13 years old. He will be going off to the wild blue yonder of Michigan to Boy Scout Camp. Two weeks of no arguing. He will have such a good time. I hope.

I am going to visit a friend on my way back from dropping off the kids. I cannot wait to get out of here and I think everyone else feels the same. They need to be without me and see what it's like. They'll be happy, probably, and a little relieved. I'll feel the same.

One of my friends from the old yahoo 360 days posted a mini-rant about people not being compassionate. People believe in paying their bills and their mortgage and their student loans. She felt that there are people who believe this who don't want to help other people.

This is what I said.

My husband and I have three children. We have an older home that needs work. We have 2 cars paid for; one is 22 years old and the other 18 years old. We shop at thrift stores, we accept and give out hand-me-downs. We save things and only buy what we really need. My kids have never had cable, ever. We go to the library for our books. We live simply and it's ok.

We work hard and a lot of people don't want to live our life. But Destiny, I am teaching my children to do what that post says. I have to teach them that. I want them to be responsible for their actions. I have a child who is going to college. We have to sit with him and tell him--"Don't go into debt for school. it's not worth it because *you* have to pay for it. And you could be paying for school for 50 years." 

We have cheapy cell phones. They are not Androids or Iphones; they are crap. But they work.

I understand that there are people who need assistance and I am very much for that. Of course. But as a parent I am responsible to teach my kids *how* to pay for their own mortgage, how to pay for the bills and insurance. I'd be wrong not to. This does not mean that I'm Satan or that I wish people who don't have as much as I do to go without. 

...No one gives us a break. Our taxes go up. Utilities. School. I wear the same clothes for years and don't shop unless I have the 30% coupon from the dept. store. We are being responsible. We are doing exactly what we are supposed to be doing and you know what? I get told that it's not enough, that we are crap because we live the way we do and well, we must be "living the dream" if we believe this. I'm tired of hearing that.

This is your page. You are welcome to post what you like and you have every right to air your opinion.  But since you've left this open, here's another opinion.

This will be one of the only somewhat political posts you'll ever see from me. If you ask for a debate, I'll tell you what I normally tell everyone.

I like bunnies. They go hippity hoppity.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Boundaries and a new season of mom

I had a long talk with my husband about my youngest. I gave him all my compelling reasons why I was angry and he agreed that I should be angry.

Then he said that I need to let it go and let our youngest suffer the consequences. And I agree.

I have tried with all my strength to parent these children to the best of my limited ability. I have made so many mistakes, which I am sure everyone will read about in the tell-all book that one or all of them will write.

There comes a time when they have to be self motivated. I have cheerleaded myself into the ground.

It's the start of a new season. I think everyone will be happier.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Rant Started...

I'm so ticked off at my youngest at this moment. We paid for a good portion for him to go to Boy Scout Camp. I take him to band every morning, knowing he could very well walk to and from the school. I encourage and nag him to practice swimming so he can get his #@$#!! patch and move up.

Dropped him off at the pool. He didn't swim because he was too nervous and didn't know anyone. He's gone 3 times. Took him yesterday and he tells me that he just swam a little because he didn't know anyone. Well, you know what? I'm done. I understand what it is to be shy but doggone it, if you are interested enough, if you are serious enough about something, you do it.

I'm done taking him. I really am. If he does not move up, that's it. We are done. It is expensive to send him to camp if *HE* will not make the effort.

You all have seen Harry Potter? Paul got a "howler" in the car home just now.

And rant over.

Monday, June 23, 2014

Car Pool Rant or I'm crappy like that

I understand that I'm still at home. I am looking for a job, just so you know. It gets cold here in the Winter and this morning it was raining. Yet, I saw two of us taking a car and dropping our daughters off at the same time.


Have I offended you in some way?
Have I offended your daughter?
Is this a morning quiet time to spend before work?
Is  your daughter angry with my daughter?


maybe you didn't know that they have a class together this early.

Maybe. I hope so. I hope it's not that you think I'm crappy.

I'm crappy like that idiot who faithfully picks up kids when it's sub zero fahrenheit. I'm crappy like that mom who has to go back to the school because your daughter left her instrument in my car. I asked you to take them one day a week. Wednesday. How many did you do? Several times. How many Wednesdays did I do instead? But you know what, I went ahead and drove anyway. You know why? Because I'm crappy like that.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Job Fair

It's time to start searching for work. I would like part-time but we have to see how God leads.

I signed up for a job fair and attended it today. By all accounts, it was a very nice one and very well attended. I saw a lot of professionals walking around--a lot more than I thought would be there.

17 1/2 years ago I was a professional in the transportation field. I worked in logistics and then in claims. Things have changed and gone on without me. I know that I did the right thing by staying home but now I will pay the price for doing so.

Most of what I heard was to apply online. I wonder why they needed someone there to tell us that.

It was a hot day, I was wearing a polyester, 3/4 length top and I was dying. Still, this was a big step and suprisingly, a lot less stressful than my first day of school.