Friday, April 11, 2014

Friday Flayings

Random Thoughts on a beautiful spring day

I watched a video of Whitney Houston singing a medley of Porgy, I loves you/And I am telling you/I have nothing.

I remember seeing a little bit of it many years ago and not watching the whole thing. Years later I see it through different eyes. One youtube comment summed it up for me.

"We were supposed to grow old together."

We didn't know what we had when we had it. What a spectacular talent. The years rolled on and drugs and addictions took her home. There is something about seeing her here, young, beautiful, with her talent probably at its height. The years have taken their toll on me too. I cannot watch this video without weeping. Life has so many twists and turns.


The doctor's office is waiting to hear from my stupid insurance about testosterone shots for Harrey. It's not a cure-all, but he needs them for his bones and for his body. I never thought I would have to worry about this, because I could never dreamed of such a thing as Klinefelter's Syndrome.

My faith tells me that God has a plan and that I don't have to "feel it" to believe it. Good thing.


Ronn is gearing up for the big ACT tests. He did not keep up with his grades like he should have. I warned him but he did not listen. Now he sees that he should have been more diligent but it's too late. I told him that now that he knows, he moves forward.

He wants to make sure that his school has a good drama program, which surprised me. He plans to major in audio/recording engineering. I don't know that he will find a job doing that. I told him to also look for a career in something that he doesn't hate. This will probably be accounting or computer science.

One never knows.


Hermionie will be part of a flute quartet that will be playing on the local radio station; local means Chicago.

It doesn't faze her; she knows the work that will have to go into this broadcast.

Practice practice practice.


This weekend the older two will not be attending the Saturday music school so that they can participate in IHSA Band and Choir competition. I am very thankful that it is local this year and will not require a lot of driving.

Harrey did not wish to go camping with Scouts this weekend because he wanted to play Minecraft. I told him that if he didn't go camping, he would not be spending it playing Minecraft.

He asked me if he got sick, if he could stay home. I told him if he were too sick to go camping, he was too sick to play Minecraft.

He then pointed out that his sister was on the computer all the time on Pinterest. I pointed out that she was not on Pinterest the whole time, but that she was doing homework.

He said that I loved her better than I loved him. I told him I loved the older two more than him and started laughing.

He told me I was mean. I told him it wouldn't work and I would pick him up right after school so he could pack.

When he got out of the car, I rolled down the window. He turned around, walked to the car and told him to roll up the window. So I did. As soon as he walked away, I rolled it back down. He came back laughing and I waved and left.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Friday Flayings

aka For the next three weeks

Tonight Ronn the percussionist and Hermionie the flautist will have a recital. Harrey is going to try to see if he can stay at a friend's house so he doesn't have to go. We've dragged that poor boy everywhere; if he can find someone to watch him, by all means.

Saturday is the normal music day.

Sunday Ronn and Hermionie have ensemble competitions at their music school.

Monday and Tuesday are Midterms. Harrey will attend a music workshop and have a fun, fun time at a Chicago downtown restaurant. Wednesday, Harrey will be playing with the junior high jazz band for 5th and 6th grade open house.

Friday and Saturday next week are high school ensemble/symphonic competitions. Thankfully they are in the area.

The week after that--ACT tests during the week. Youngest will be attending a choir competition on Saturday, April. 19th.

And oh yes, Easter. Remember that?

I have to note that these things involve my kids and therefore, involve our family.

Monday, March 31, 2014

Will Wheaton on Bullying

In case I forget where the link would be. Excellent response to a question about bullying.

He was wearing a really nice sweater...

aka Random thoughts from a sleep deprived brain

I had a dream Saturday night/Sunday morning. I dreamed that I was walking somewhere with Satan or a demon or Lucifer. He was a white guy in his thirties, short hair, fairly good looking and he was wearing a really nice sweater. It was knitted or something but I remember thinking that it was a good looking, red sweater. It had a nice pattern. It would look nice on my sons or my husband, except that Satan was wearing it.

Anyway, this evil demon thing turned around and gave me a smirk with his piercing, glowing blue eyes and it ticked me off. So I reached into his chest with my magic, glowy superpower hands and took a hold of his heart. I was ready to squeeze the life out of it when he gave me a little, snarky laugh.

"What's that gonna do" he asked me. "I'm going to get your children anyway."

And as I was dreaming I was thinking, "Yeah, it doesn't matter if I stop his heart."

It was a shame because I was feeling all fierce.

When I woke up, I said to myself, "Self. That was really dumb."


Ronn and Hermionie got back from their band trip. I had been worrying about my oldest but he did just fine. He hung out with a bunch of seniors, for the most part, and told me he had a great time. Did a lot of rides. Had no problems with his roommates--at all.

Hermionie had a few issues that concern me. Her best friend is hanging out with a mean girl who Hermionie doesn't trust. I told her to pray about this. I hope this is not going to be a problem. My daughter does not have a lot of friends by choice but the one she has are really great. That said, she had a lot of fun and she said the best part for her was people watching. You're 15 years old but your soul is about 40.

Harrey spent a quiet, lonely week at home. I had to chase him out of his room a couple of times because he was up there too much. He did some bowling but did not do as much as I would have liked. I think it's good to be bored, provided you're not spending the entire time thinking negative thoughts. I have tried to get that boy to journal or write stories, but so far, no luck. I don't know that it's something that can be forced.

The big thing of the week was that the older two got to see my parents. They only spent 45 minutes together, but it's better than zero minutes. I have no idea where my son posted the picture of my parents but I'll post it here when I get it.

Monday, March 24, 2014

The Band Trip This Time

When my oldest went on his band trip two years ago, I was pretty confident that he would have a good time and that someone would be looking out for him. He was a freshman and it was obvious that he needed someone to keep an eye on him.

Now my first born, my aspie, the one-who-has-come-so-far is the upperclassman. He should be looking out for the younger ones, but in truth he will have enough to look out for himself.

He and his sister are scheduled to meet my mother and father for lunch today. My husband is there to oversee this operation. I pray that it will work out and they get to spend a little, precious time with each other.

I am not worried about all the activities that they will be doing. It is that unstructured time that will be tricky. Worrisome. Scary.

He'll be okay but it would be nice if he would have a great time.

From December 2006

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Thursday Thunks

I saw one of my across the street neighbors this morning. We'll all see each other now that we have thawed out. He told me that they've been living there for seven years. I thought it was two or three. I've been busy raising my kids and not paying attention.

It turns out that I lost about 2 1/2 years of my life.

I thought things were bad when Ronn was small. They were difficult, to say the least. He was crawling under his desk in 5th grade and the teacher ignored it because she didn't want to hurt him; she is the kindest human being on the planet but so not helpful. I was given the terrible advice: "You need to find friends for your child." I struggled to follow that advice for years until common sense and a dose of the Holy Spirit told me, "He will have to find his own friends because he's just too quirky." I waded through the murk of asperger's syndrome with him. We practiced going over things before hand so that it would relieve stress. We did social groups. We did social stories. We did countless things over the years and are muddling through adolescence.

My mind was blown when Harrey the youngest was being shunned and bullied. It blew my mind that children that I had known since kindergarten would do this. I had taken pictures of them. I knew their parents. I volunteered endlessly on PTA. And yet, my youngest son was laying in bed, facing the wall and admitted to thinking thoughts of death. And then there was my sweet husband, who I adore, telling me it's no big deal and that it's just a phase. Thankfully, extremely gratefully, Harrey is doing well.

It remains to be seen how this affected my daughter but I'm certain it will come out later in life. She is the princess and I have the chore of bringing her back down to reality. She thinks she's already there. Um, no. Not quite.

I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again. Somewhere along the way I lost me. I lost everything of who I am, of what I love to do, of simply living except trying to make it through the few waking hours of the day. I've lost people who I thought were friends; they were friends, for a season. I guess I miss them, but what I miss is the season. I'm moving forward and it's healthier and it's better. I don't understand but that's okay too.

I need to go back to January. What were my goals? Where am I now? It's Spring in Chicago and it's snowing. It's a pain and we're all so sick of it, but we know it won't last.

The crocus will be popping out soon and I want to be able to meet them as myself.

Monday, March 17, 2014

I withdraw...

I went back to my local community college again in January to take a Medical Terminology class. I fell behind and never caught up.

After I took the Introduction to MS Office, I realized that I should have gone for a certificate in MS Office. I'm sorry now that I didn't. The point is moot because my financial aid at this school has dried up. In order to go back to school, I would have to enroll in a university. There is one that is a bit far off from here. I could do it but I don't know if there's any point to it.

I made such mistakes. Would've. Could've. Should've.

I am moving forward. I'm withdrawing from the class and will use it as a learning tool for my children.

In the meantime, I will start sending out resumes. Mine is terrible because I've been a stay at home mom for all these years. I need to beef it up and don't know how. Job Fairs. Volunteering at my friend's office (she works for hospice). My knee is better so it's back to the gym.

It's not the best start but it's a start.